JAE FEVER

Ambitious. Delicious. Seditious.

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    When, in a drinking session, someone suddenly tells you, “your naivete is what I love the most about you” it makes you stop and think. Especially when you’ve been, of late, trying to pass yourself off to those who don’t know better as a world-wise twenty-something sophisticate, right at home in a generation that thinks cynicism is chic. So I’m naïve. I believe in being part of a struggle much bigger than yourself; daring to reach for a heaven far beyond your grasp; doing your part to assuage wounds wrought by many lifetimes of strife and knowing that it will take double that number of lifetimes to completely heal. I can look every bully in the eye and I know I will not flinch. Very few things threaten me – probably more the result of the brashness of youth than the wisdom of years. I think the best kind of job is not the job that gets you a fat paycheck or gives you generous car plan. It’s the job that makes you sleep well at night and eager to get up the next day. I love knowing that I’m working with the good guys – and drinking with them later at night. I believe that the fire in my belly can quell the butterflies in my tummy, and that my phantoms are no match for my passions. I maintain that the Left is right (but also that social justice is impossible without procedural due process). I believe in love, purely and utterly: insisting on it, finding it, keeping it, allowing yourself to be swept off your feet by the violence of its current but at the same time rocked to gentle sleep in the constancy of its embrace. I believe in the certainty and constancy of my friendships. I believe I’m fabulous and beautiful, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s because you’re wrong. I would say I believe in a Higher Being that holds everything together, and allows us to find that glint of light amidst hunger and cancer and injustice and oppression —- But then, that’s not naivete anymore. That’s faith.

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Archive for February 21st, 2007

Bad People

Posted by Jae on February 21, 2007

Last night, I flagged a cab along Kalayaan avenue. Being sleepy and in a hurry to get home, I got into the first cab I saw and didn’t wait for one with a reputable name anymore. As soon as I got in, the driver swiveled his body and established full-on eye contact with me. Creepy. Texted plate number immediately to my friend Dianne, who was the last person I was with.

Manong driver: Anong oras na?

Jae: Mga 10 p.m. po.

Manong driver: May pambayad ka ba sa taxi?

Jae: (frowning slightly, shifting in her seat): Opo.

Manong driver: Kasi may ibang babae, pag walang pambayad, ano nalang ang binabayad eh. (*wink*)

At this point, I texted Dianne again, telling her about the creepo driver. My house, which is just a good ten minutes away, suddenly seemed so very, very far. I asked the driver to pull over, handed him a P50 bill and went down as fast as I could.

I really, really hate this sense of vulnerability. In UP Village, where I work, motorcycle bandits have been plying the village streets and snatching bags from women. Two of my friends have been vitimized already (both in my company…). Now, I cant even walk from our headquarters to Eunilane without breaking in cold sweat everytime I hear the sound of a motorcycle from behind. And I used to love walking along those tree-lined streets.

Sigh.  

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