JAE FEVER

Ambitious. Delicious. Seditious.

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    When, in a drinking session, someone suddenly tells you, “your naivete is what I love the most about you” it makes you stop and think. Especially when you’ve been, of late, trying to pass yourself off to those who don’t know better as a world-wise twenty-something sophisticate, right at home in a generation that thinks cynicism is chic. So I’m naïve. I believe in being part of a struggle much bigger than yourself; daring to reach for a heaven far beyond your grasp; doing your part to assuage wounds wrought by many lifetimes of strife and knowing that it will take double that number of lifetimes to completely heal. I can look every bully in the eye and I know I will not flinch. Very few things threaten me – probably more the result of the brashness of youth than the wisdom of years. I think the best kind of job is not the job that gets you a fat paycheck or gives you generous car plan. It’s the job that makes you sleep well at night and eager to get up the next day. I love knowing that I’m working with the good guys – and drinking with them later at night. I believe that the fire in my belly can quell the butterflies in my tummy, and that my phantoms are no match for my passions. I maintain that the Left is right (but also that social justice is impossible without procedural due process). I believe in love, purely and utterly: insisting on it, finding it, keeping it, allowing yourself to be swept off your feet by the violence of its current but at the same time rocked to gentle sleep in the constancy of its embrace. I believe in the certainty and constancy of my friendships. I believe I’m fabulous and beautiful, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s because you’re wrong. I would say I believe in a Higher Being that holds everything together, and allows us to find that glint of light amidst hunger and cancer and injustice and oppression —- But then, that’s not naivete anymore. That’s faith.

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Archive for February 27th, 2007

Kung Hei Fat Jae

Posted by Jae on February 27, 2007

Was at Mercury drugstore yesterday to buy potato chips (for my Recommended Daily Allowance of sodium and spice and everything not-nice) and on a whim, I decided to get my weight taken. Major shocker: I weigh twenty pounds heavier than I weighed after graduating from law school.

Of course it shouldnt matter to me. I do after all work for an organization that espouses pluralism and diversity and acceptance and drinking-everyday-till-everyone-grows-a-potbelly-and-becomes-equal (loko lang, hehe),  and thinness, nay skinniness, after all is nothing but a cultural imposition foisted upon women, but bilbil is bilbil is bilbil is bilbil and I DON’T LIKE IT.  Not on me anyway.

It becomes a million times worse when other people rib you about it. Why do you think I took my weight in Mercury?  At a family gathering over the weekend at Alabang Town Center, that was all my relatives could say to me after the requisite beso-beso. My metrosexual cousin told me my skin was clearing up and asked me what I was using. “Olay Total Effects,” I said, happy to get the topic off my extra padding. He replied:  “Ay, nakakataba din pala yon. Bwahahahaahahahaha”

And of course it doesn’t help that you have a mom who is 100 pounds, has three children and a waistline of 24″, and firmly believes with no room for argument that she is the hottest non-surgically-enhanced 52-year-old around. She seems to enjoy telling me to “cover your tiyan, your bilbil is jiggling, eeuuw..” or to remind me that at 26 (my age now) she had two kids and a whistlebait figure. I love her dearly, and I tell myself that she must have worked so hard to pay for the ridiculous tuition fees in St. Scho, she missed all those Oprah episodes on “feeding the positive self-image of your little girl”.

Dear God, after stopping peasant violence and sending thunderbolts of fire to the wicked landlords, after helping us  have  clean and bloodless elections (with Akbayan winning three seats again, hehe),  if You have time lang naman po, please please please please please take away my bilbil.

And to the rest of you: donations to my Dove Self-esteem Fund now accepted. :D

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