JAE FEVER

Ambitious. Delicious. Seditious.

  • About me

    When, in a drinking session, someone suddenly tells you, “your naivete is what I love the most about you” it makes you stop and think. Especially when you’ve been, of late, trying to pass yourself off to those who don’t know better as a world-wise twenty-something sophisticate, right at home in a generation that thinks cynicism is chic. So I’m naïve. I believe in being part of a struggle much bigger than yourself; daring to reach for a heaven far beyond your grasp; doing your part to assuage wounds wrought by many lifetimes of strife and knowing that it will take double that number of lifetimes to completely heal. I can look every bully in the eye and I know I will not flinch. Very few things threaten me – probably more the result of the brashness of youth than the wisdom of years. I think the best kind of job is not the job that gets you a fat paycheck or gives you generous car plan. It’s the job that makes you sleep well at night and eager to get up the next day. I love knowing that I’m working with the good guys – and drinking with them later at night. I believe that the fire in my belly can quell the butterflies in my tummy, and that my phantoms are no match for my passions. I maintain that the Left is right (but also that social justice is impossible without procedural due process). I believe in love, purely and utterly: insisting on it, finding it, keeping it, allowing yourself to be swept off your feet by the violence of its current but at the same time rocked to gentle sleep in the constancy of its embrace. I believe in the certainty and constancy of my friendships. I believe I’m fabulous and beautiful, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s because you’re wrong. I would say I believe in a Higher Being that holds everything together, and allows us to find that glint of light amidst hunger and cancer and injustice and oppression —- But then, that’s not naivete anymore. That’s faith.
  • Top Posts

  • Top Clicks

  • Recent Posts

Archive for May, 2007

Sylvia Plath

Posted by Jae on May 27, 2007

Was cleaning out my room– separating treasures from junk, rescuing artifacts, destroying “evidence”, remembering, sifting, searching, finding, discovering — when I saw this poem I read many years back and remembered liking.

Sylvia Plath. Best taken with yosi and kickass Batangas coffee.

 

Mad Girl’s Love Song

by Sylvia Plath

 

“I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan’s men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you’d return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)”

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Basta alam ko…

Posted by Jae on May 22, 2007

Basta alam ko, lahat ng boto namin malinis. Walang dungis ng dugo. Walang kapalit na pera. O tocino. O United American Tikitiki na malapit na mag-expire. O insurance cards. O cards na nangangako ng coco levy shares sa mga magsasaka. O limpak limpak na pera na ang puno’t dulong magbabayad ay ang kaban ng bayan. Lahat ng boto galing sa tunay na naniwala, nagtaya, nagpunyagi.

Basta alam ko, lahat ng boto namin galing sa malinis at tapat na pangangampanya. Walang galing sa pananakot ng militar. O sa Malakanyang o sa DAR o sa anumang kawani ng pamahalaan. O dahas ng armadong pwersang kaliwa. Lahat ng nangampanya, simpleng tao. Simpleng makinarya. Kahit zesto, hindi makapagbigay. Walang pinapangako kundi pagbabago.

Basta alam ko, lumaban kami ng patas. Sumunod sa patakaran. Sineryoso ang pakikilahok. Isinabuhay ang tunay na diwa ng sistemang party-list.

Basta alam ko, wala kaming tinatago. Nung nakita ko ang isang kakilala kong lawyer sa PICC at sinabi niyang abugado siya ng isang party-list, tinanong ko sa kanya kung sino nga ulit ang nominees nila. Ang sabi niya, “I’m not at liberty to disclose.” (Tulog ata nung nag-decide ang Supreme Court). Basta alam ko, proud ako kay Risa, Walden at Gico. At sasabihin ko sa iyo ng paulit-ulit kahit sawa ka na makinig.

Basta alam ko, AKBAYAN ako.

Sabi nga ng awit ni Engelbert Humperdinck: “Heart don’t fail us now…”

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Taxi

Posted by Jae on May 16, 2007

She slid into the cool interiors of his taxi cab and mumbled directions to her destination. They locked glances for a while in the front mirror. His eyes were weathered and gentle and wise, with laugh lines at the corners. The eyes of a fifty maybe fifty five year old man who had discovered that the secrets of the world were much simpler than we thought: give freely, love truly, live fully. She wondered fleetingly what he read in her eyes, and whether or not he managed to see through the polite but distant smile she reserved for strangers she would never see again.

Out of the window she looked, watching cars whirring past, watching other people’s lives unfold under cover of darkness, imagining the secrets their hearts held: the balot vendor, the young couple, the sales lady, the police man. Suddenly, and without warning, she found herself crying. There was no reason for it, but on the other hand, there was a whole universe of reasons. Health concerns, money issues, personal struggles, and the debilitating loneliness of suddenly not having anyone to talk to about all these. The friend who used to only be a text away moved from UP Village to Eastwood, a change she has yet to get accustomed to. The boy who always could make her feel better had gone away too — there was always some database project to complete, some negotiation to broker, some important person to meet.

“Tahan na,” said the taxi driver, speaking as a father speaks to his daughter.

They arrived at their destination, the front gate of her house. She pulled out her wallet, ready to count her bills.

He smiled at her and asked, “Anong paborito mong pagkain?”

“Spam,” she answered, almost involuntarily, blurting out the first favorite food that came to mind.

“Bili ka ng spam,” he said, gently, almost teasingly, giving back the P100 she gave him. “Wag ka nang malungkot. Naalala ko sa iyo anak ko.”

“Salamat po.” And she cried again.

This is a true story.

Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments »

Why your vote for Akbayan STILL matters

Posted by Jae on May 12, 2007

Dear Friends,

Many people have been asking me, “AKBAYAN is set to win again. Shouldn’t
I just give my vote to another partylist?”

AKBAYAN is elated over the 8.2% score it garnered in the latest SWS survey, only a .2% difference from Bayan Muna, the partylist obtaining the highest score. While an 8.2% score is well over the 6% needed to obtain three seats (1 seat = 2% of votes cast), a Supreme Court ruling has it that ONLY THE TOP PARTYLIST IS ENTITLED TO THREE SEATS. The second party list is entitled only to two seats, even if it garners more than 6%. AKBAYAN needs your vote to bridge that .2% difference. AKBAYAN needs your vote for three seats.

But why? Why three seats?

Our track record will speak for itself. In 2004, we were given three seats: Etta, Mayong and Risa. Not one of those seats went to waste. Etta as then-chair of the Human Rights Committee was staunch advocate of human rights in the House — author of the Marcos Compensation Bill, co-author of the Juvenile Justice Law and the Anti-Death Penalty Law. When AKBAYAN only had one seat in 1998, she was the ONLY representative who blew the whistle on the P100,000 check given to congressmen to pass a law to privatize NAPOCOR.

Mayong, our second representative, tackled urban poor concerns, peace and development, and labor issues. It was Mayong’s office that intervened in the scandalous Riles issue, where thousands of families would have been unlawfully demolished for a bogus contract. Mayong is also the author of the RIGHT TO SELF ORGANIZATION BILL (introducing amendments to the labor code to strengthen the right to unionize), approved in both upper and lower houses.

Risa, on the other hand, our third representative, carried with her the voice of women and children — filing bills on reproductive health, gender balance, and the heavily-supported anti-prostitution bill which treats prostituted women as victims and not criminals. Risa is the author of the CHEAPER MEDICINES BILL, which seeks to bring down the prices of medicine through parallel importation (people remember it for being the bill lawyers from Pfizer tried in vain to stop).

WE WORK AND WE WORK HARD. We have used our three seats in Congress well, and the consolidated work of our three representatives have resulted in real and concrete gains for all of us. Each AKBAYAN representative carries specific concerns and areas of specialization.

There is no redundancy, only a synergy of efforts.

Cast your vote for AKBAYAN on Monday. Cast your vote for the partylist with a solid track record and a coherent platform. Cast your vote for the consistent partylist that has denounced state-sponsored atrocities AND atrocities from the armed left.

Let the number one party list be the party list that has CLEARLY AND CATEGORICALLY denounced armed struggle, and does not use taxpayers’ money to fund a discredited revolution.

ABOVE-GROUND. ABOVE-BOARD. ABOVE ALL ELSE: AKBAYAN.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

On hope, pancit, local activism, and itik droppings

Posted by Jae on May 5, 2007

Just came back from my three-day Quezon-Laguna stint late last night. Five of us AKBAYAN lawyers have been going to AKBAYAN areas around the country to provide poll watching and vote protection trainings to our membership base. I was designated as the Southern (Luzon) Belle, so early Wednesday morning, me and my sister’s Jansport knapsack made our way merrily to the buco-pie belt.

My Quezon stint was a practicum on patronage politics, local level. Listened in as a mayoralty candidate gave his speech in a thunderous reverberating voice. He reminded the townsfolk in subtle and not-so-subtle ways how he had given them personal favors and why he had earned their vote. “Si mayor lang ang bukas araw araw para hingan ng tulong sa binyag!” “Si Mayor lang ang makakatulong sa mga gastos niyo sa burol at libing ng mahal niyo sa buhay!” And so on and so forth. For two hours. Blah blah blah blah.

Mori, my college best friend, told me once that my face is hopelessly transparent. Even when I try to hide my emotions, there’s always some dead giveaway in my face. But when this mayoralty candidate (incumbent councilor on his last term) came over to me to shake my hand and introduce himself, perhaps to court the AKBAYAN vote, there wasn’t even any attempt on my part to conceal my disdain.

“Mayor (insert name here), po, Attorney. Salamat sa dalaw ninyo”.

“Wala pong anuman, Konsehal. Salamat po sa pancit.”

After three sessions that day, three sessions where I repeat the exact same two-hour module down to the strategically-inserted jokes, and after several tiring encounters with Leo Martinez-trapo caricatures, I was raring to sleep soundly in my airconditioned room at a local inn. But no. For the first time after Typhoon Milenyo, the whole of Quezon plunged into darkness. Some pole explosion in Tayabas. Didn’t really care about the details. Since there was no food to be had in the place we stayed, Mark (my driver and expert taga-kabit ng LCD) and I scoured the alleys of Atimonan for a place to eat. There was a solitary inn that was open and looked like it had a generator. We entered, grateful to see an electric bulb flickering defiantly. I looked at the menu — fried chicken, pork chop, chop seuy, barbecue. Standard fare in Manila, but gourmet cuisine in the darkness of Atimonan.

“Naku, wala pong ibang ulam. Pancit lang.”

“Wala pong ulam?”

“Iulam niyo nalang ang pancit.”

And pancit it was. For the second time that day. Beggars cannot be choosers after all.

Next stop: Calauan, Laguna, which was a four-hour drive from Atimonan. We were supposed to have a meeting at the house of “Sanchez”, that was what the text stated. I furrowed my brow, trying to dredge up something from my mental filing cabinet. But maybe all that pancit slowed me down somewhat, no associations were made immediately.

We entered a white marble house with a confusing architectural design of doors and walls and windows in all the wrong places and balconies and intestines and memories jutting out. Seemingly from nowhere, this man in white appeared before me, hand outstretched. Then the folder in my mental filing cabinet jumped out like a jack-in-the-box. The stairwell scene and the wobbling statue of the Blessed Mary. Man in white with mopped hair screaming the vilest of invectives beside the most Immaculate of Virgins. Rape. Murder. UPLB. Eileen Sarmienta. Guilty.

The man in white was not the same Mayor Sanchez, of course. The convicted rapist is serving his time in Muntinlupa. It was his son, the one running for Mayor this election period. They looked exactly the same, from the all-white ensemble to the mopped hair. I felt goosebumps down my spine. We were there to try to broker an agreement with all local candidates for peaceful elections and poll-watching (Though the Sanchezes’ record of guns, goons and gold has made an alliance with AKBAYAN out of the question, it was still necessary to talk to the local leadership and establish one’s presence in the area as a measure of vote protection) and I couldn’t wait to get it over with. I understand that the sins of the father should not be borne by the son, but I have yet to understand why the son insists on the same white uniform and the same bunot-like hair. When I texted my Mom where I was and who I was talking to, she replied in all caps: “STAY AWAY FROM HIM! DON’T STRAY FROM THE GROUP!” From wherever she was, I am absolutely certain that she closed her eyes tight and prayed to her God that her daughter — attending a round-table meeting as a lawyer at 2 in the afternoon with five other people in the broad light of day, at the house of a candidate running for Mayor, and just ten short days before the elections — will not suddenly be gagged by a chloroform cloth, tied up, raped, murdered and buried in a shallow grave under the kitchen sink.

A mother’s love: gentle, constant, steadfast, and prone to intermittent bouts of politically-incorrect hysteria.

Tellingly and quite sadly, when I spoke to some AKBAYAN women after the poll-watching seminar we organized, they told me in whispers to be careful about asking around and that no one in Calauan will tell you that the Mayor is guilty.

From Calauan, we moved to Victoria, Laguna. I was looking forward to this leg the most because I would be with good friends from CARET, Lin and Gari. They were in Victoria to work actively on the campaign of Resty Cacha. Now, this was not a simple alliance. Or a strategic intervention. His was a solid, AKBAYAN-backed campaign — which was why virtually the entire CARET office left UP Village for a month and set up temporary base in Victoria.

The very minute I met him, I knew why. I’ve been speaking to local candidates for two days with very short gaps between meetings. There was a certain sleekness to them, manufactured and measured smiles. Ka Resty, on the other hand, was the real thing. For one, his house was very small. The walls were unpainted and the floors creaked. This after nine years as a councilor and six more years as Vice-Mayor. Second, he had the audacity to say that he would not pay for poll watchers. He trusted that the people would watch his votes because they were sick of the patronage politics and vote buying in Victoria. He could be right: people streamed into the itik farm where we gave three sessions of poll watching trainings, expecting no form of compensation. Unlike the other towns I came from where people asked about money, here there was none. No asking, and no money. Only platefuls of pancit (yes, pancit) donated by a supporter. And lastly, he had a solid platform and solid track record, not of dole-outs or graces, but of workable and efficient programs based on the premise of community empowerment. The way that the people support him is local activism at its finest. They confirmed my faith that everyone just needs to have someone, something to believe in, something to activate that dormant sense of activism always lying within.

So there I was, in the itik farm, waiting for my turn to speak. Edwin Chavez was giving a stirring introduction on the importance of elections and how poll-watchers can be architects of change. When it was my turn, I stood up suddenly, not realizing that I was under a shallow roof that also held (or used to hold) some itiks on top.

Blaagaaaaaaaaaaaak! I hit my head on the roof, disturbing the hardened itik droppings and making them fall on all directions, but eventually, magically, landing on my body. Herald from CARET and I were picking off itik droppings one by one from my hair, ears, face, neck, lips (he was picking, I was whining) while Edwin, perhaps seeing the fiasco from the front, was doing more ad libs (Isang malakas na bagsak para sa magigiting na mamamayan ng Victoria! Isa pa…! Isa pa ulit!…).

And after three sessions that day in Victoria, I went back to Manila close to midnight — bringing back home pineapples in my backpack, buco pie in both hands, pancit to last a lifetime in my belly, hope for the people of Victoria in my heart, and itik droppings in my underwear.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »