JAE FEVER

Ambitious. Delicious. Seditious.

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    When, in a drinking session, someone suddenly tells you, “your naivete is what I love the most about you” it makes you stop and think. Especially when you’ve been, of late, trying to pass yourself off to those who don’t know better as a world-wise twenty-something sophisticate, right at home in a generation that thinks cynicism is chic. So I’m naïve. I believe in being part of a struggle much bigger than yourself; daring to reach for a heaven far beyond your grasp; doing your part to assuage wounds wrought by many lifetimes of strife and knowing that it will take double that number of lifetimes to completely heal. I can look every bully in the eye and I know I will not flinch. Very few things threaten me – probably more the result of the brashness of youth than the wisdom of years. I think the best kind of job is not the job that gets you a fat paycheck or gives you generous car plan. It’s the job that makes you sleep well at night and eager to get up the next day. I love knowing that I’m working with the good guys – and drinking with them later at night. I believe that the fire in my belly can quell the butterflies in my tummy, and that my phantoms are no match for my passions. I maintain that the Left is right (but also that social justice is impossible without procedural due process). I believe in love, purely and utterly: insisting on it, finding it, keeping it, allowing yourself to be swept off your feet by the violence of its current but at the same time rocked to gentle sleep in the constancy of its embrace. I believe in the certainty and constancy of my friendships. I believe I’m fabulous and beautiful, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s because you’re wrong. I would say I believe in a Higher Being that holds everything together, and allows us to find that glint of light amidst hunger and cancer and injustice and oppression —- But then, that’s not naivete anymore. That’s faith.
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Archive for August 26th, 2007

Jologs na Feeling Profound

Posted by Jae on August 26, 2007

lovestory.jpg

My UP law blockmates and I — jologs and luuuuveeeehn it — had wanted to catch A Love Story on its first showing day last week, kaso we were foiled by the high school and college students who trooped to the malls when classes were suspended dahil kay Egay. Sigh. Kaya ayun, kahapon lang ako nakapanood. And lest people think that we merely spent two solid hours staring at Aga Muhlach’s buff bod (haaay, ulam!), napaisip-isip din ako ng slight sa mga bagay-bagay. (spoiler alert coming up…)

Maricel, the other woman who Aga met after getting married to Angelica, is Aga’s true love. Tipong love of epic proportions, this-love-is-bigger-than-ourselves chorva. Si Angelica naman, two decades younger, yung totoong wife. Happy nung start, naging rocky dahil career girl sya, lalong naging rocky dahil pumasok si Maricel, tapos nabuntis si Angelica, na-fait accompli si Aga, and ayun, after much hand-wringing (“pagod na pagod na ako mag-makaawa”) she got her happy ending.

So, eto, my Sunday morning ruminating:

Kung isa lang pwede kong piliin, mas gusto ko ba ng love deep and true na mala-signal number 10 ang intensity pero at the end of the day hindi mapapasaakin (kumbaga sa agrarian reform, nakahabi na ang kaluluwa mo sa lupa, at nakahabi na ang kaluluwa ng lupa sa iyo, hindi ka pa din magiging CLOA holder, ineng — NOT EVER!! asa ka pa!!)?

O mas gusto ko ba ng happy-ever-after with constancy and security and five-ten-fifteen year wedding anniversaries, pero lagi kang afraid kasi hindi ikaw ang once-in-a-lifetime love?

Kayo: True love or happy endings?

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