Happy New Year

I had my hair cut yesterday. Really short, radically short. I’ve worn my hair long for more than three years now – at one point pinstraight rebonded and falling past my bra-line, at another with Lolita Carbon layers, at another just perenially in a ponytale Manang-style, but most often wild and dishevelled and free and getting entangled in places. Always long. I’ve been afraid of getting it cut until yesterday noon.

I choked back a sob and strangled a sigh when I heard the first snip of Jerome’s scissors (the stylist at Piandre). Like I wanted to stop him, to grab his scissors and run away and never come back. But I stopped myself and just kept on pinching the web of skin between my forefinger and thumb. Maybe it’s a cliche, but after the first traumatic snip, there is something liberating about watching the succeeding locks of hair float to the floor as they are chopped off from the rest of you. Every falling lock, a memory to be excised – one trip to the hospital, a bitter fight, devastating news, crying in the rain, words left unsaid,  words carelessly said, moments of too-shy, moments of too-reckless,  moments of too-anything, Samuel Beckett-inspired relationships, tumults and explosions and volcanic eruptions.

After the last fatal snip, I faced the mirror. My hair is short, my head is light, my face is thinner (yay!) and I feel…. giddy. The hair won’t fly with the wind anymore like it used to, but sometimes, neat is good too. Everything in place, with grace and not madness.

And — I know because I have tried — you can still dance in the rain with short hair.

Happy New Year to me. Happy New Year to you. Wishing you love and quiet and heartsongs forevermore.

Steady lang tayo, at tatahimik din ang mundo.

Off to Baguio

With two extra shirts, one pair of underwear, one pack of yosi and my new Isabel Allende book (the author for when you want to be taken away).

See ya.

Vietnam loses to Finland

An update to this blog entry.

We did our best….

But I guess our best wasn’t good enough.

Scandinavia trashes Southeast Asia.  Huhuhuhuhu.

*    *    *

And a random pic to show you just how serious everyone is…

No more nagging

One of my New Year’s resolutions — care of Dianne, last night – is to stop nagging.

 Well, to begin with, makulit talaga akong tao. And easily excitable over small but happy things. Like last night, kinukulit ko yung tatlo kong friends na pumunta sa Uncle Tat’s kasi bitbit ko na mga regalo nila at eggcited na ako ibigay sa kanila. Syempre gusto ko din sila makita. Especially si Gus. Naka-save na ata sa message template ko ang “Analog kami, Gus”.  Kasi naman, sa Ortigas pa ang office ng sosyaling bakla habang kaming lahat ay taga Village.  Pero in fernez, pag gabing gabi na at naisipan naming uminom na kaming dalawa lang, magkikita kami sa Quattro at magtatawanan forever and a day.

Pero makulit din ako sa work. And I suppose on regular days, that’s a good thing. Pero sabi ni Dianne kagabi, wala daw akong paggalang sa pasko.  Like kahapon, nagtext sa akin yung isang PO ng forwarded christmas message na “today i pray for this hungry land…chenes chenes..so we can find hope… chenes chenes… merry christmas) e halos inaraw-araw ko ang pangungulit sa kanya the past weeks para makuha ang transcript na kailangan namin sa hearing sa January 8, walang sagot ang lolo mo. So nung nagtext sya ng hungry land ek ek, nireply-an ko agad ng “hooooy, lalong di matatapos ang hunger kung matalo tayo sa kaso natin. i-LBC na ang transcript, NOW NA.” Ayun, success naman, mukhang makukuha ko ngayong araw na ito ang transcript. Tapos, masigasig din ako nangungulit sa Visayas at Mindanao friends para sa RP-China. Tapos, nagseset-set ako ng mga meeting meeting for the first week of January.

Kinwento ko kay Dianne ito kagabi, fully expecting her to side with me. “Hindi naman tumitigil ang problema ng mundo dahil nagpasko” sabi ko sa kanya. Ang reply niya, “pero sana isang araw man lang sa isang taon, wag mo silang bagabagin ng problema ng mundo at hayaan mo silang magdiwang.”

May point. Naguilty naman ako. O siya sige, hindi ako mangungulit ng tao mula ngayon hanggang January 2, 2008. Wala kayong makukuhang email or text sa akin except “i dream of hope for this hungry land, love for our weary souls…chenes chenes…shpluk shpluk shpluk… happy new year. isang tagay sa 2008.” Promise yan. Masabugan man ako ng Judas Belt.

And speaking of Dianne, basahin niyo latest blog entry niya dito. Tungkol sa LOVE. (all caps pa talaga.. parang “uy, love daw, waw! sige, ma-click nga!! now na! cant wait!”)

Labo. Antok pa ako. Kakagising ko lang. Sarap ng MSG nudols kagabi sa Kowloon after ng Uncle Tat’s. Pagsumisinok ako, natitikman ko pa. Yum.

Haha. ang seksi ko talaga.

Merry Christmas!

Golds and I, maybe two weeks ago, talked about waiting for our Christmas moment. We had both been swamped with work and some depressing stuff, and were waiting for that precise and profound moment when we would “know” with all certainty that Christmas is here.

When Golda told me that found hers around last week during one of her Simbang Gabi visits, I felt envious as mine hadn’t come yet. Though I did my share of Christmasy activities, I felt no spark, no burst of excitement. I wanted to feel the rush and kick of the Season like a drug coursing through my veins.

It’s around 4am of December 24, less than 24 hours before Christmas, and here I am, wide awake and tinkering with my laptop. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I have it all wrong. I’ve been waiting for that one dramatic moment when Christmas would hit me from behind and knock me off my feet, as though Christmas were a careening overspeeding drunk driver. So intent was I on that lightning bolt a-ha! moment that I’ve managed to ignore the tiny, tiny Christmas moments that have come my way over the course of the past two weeks.

There have been so many random bite-sized moments of happiness that I’ve carelessly brushed aside in my search for something BIG and GRAND.

I’ve had my Christmas moment when finding Nats’ (the baby kringle who didn’t believe in options) elusive white robe in one small store at Farmers’ Plaza after days of futile searching, and a Dateline Philippines book for another friend after scouring many bookstores for it. I’ve had my Christmas moment when after one afternoon of aimless walking and navigating through Greenhills’ endless crowds, I hit upon a jumbo bottle of Vaseline lotion AT 50% OFF for my officemate Karl. I’ve had my Christmas moment when, while sitting alone in a deserted UP Church and feeling the familiar mortality fears creep in, Amor the scoongie vendor who I knew from my College days, quietly sits beside me and tells me “hindi ka na mukhang sakitin.” (Of course, that could be her way of tactfully calling me fat.) I’ve had my Christmas moment in the company of those close to my heart — Dulcinea morning with my law school barkada, beer and rowdy bingo with Akbayan buddies, laughing out loud with college friends, drinking with Emman, planning a trip to Guimaras with Charms and Dianne, and going on the Big Binondo Food Tour with Jordan (oh and yes, Celeste Legaspi and her entire brood who were our tour classmates).

And now I know that Christmas isn’t about thunderbolt moments. It’s about love in the bits and pieces of everyday, wrapping you up and keeping you safely and snugly cocooned, your heart protected and your head at rest.

Wishing you and those you hold dear a lifetime of Christmas moments. May this season hold the answer to your secret little dreams.

Endings

“While there may be a hundred better reasons to call it quits, i.e.,  incompatibility from day one, mismatch of priorities, fundamental differences in value systems, health issues, life issues, larger-than-life issues — the incontrovertible truth is that the only time you can ever really be sure it’s over is when he can’t make your insides quiver anymore.”

- Eajie P. Mungletown (2007)

 

 

On Sumilao, Satur and Agrarian Reform

Over the past month, I have found myself regretting that I had not taken a more active part in the Sumilao campaign. The farmers reached Manila after their long walk from Bukidnon around the time I was in Sweden, and when I got back I found myself running from one commitment to another, in various places around the country. To my great regret, the only time I spent for Sumilao was the first day they camped out in front of DAR. And while, of course, I ask for and get regular updates from friends playing active roles in the campaign, I have not written about Sumilao in this blog. I felt that what I could say about the matter had been said a thousand times before, by people better-situated and better-informed to say it.

Like other agrarian reform advocates, I was disappointed that the order from Malacanang was not to install the farmers (initially, there was word that all 144 hectares would actually be distributed), but only to revoke the conversion order on findings of violation of its terms. It meant that the process of CLOA application would begin all over again, starting from the issuance of notice of coverage.

However, I also found disturbing some comments made by various sectors, in particular, the comment of Satur Ocampo, which landed on the front page of the Inquirer. In essence, he said that “the Sumilao farmers’ plight was serving to highlight the bogus character of the government’s agrarian reform program.” While militant and activist-sounding (and to a certain extent true, for no one is denying that the CARL as it stands is shot full of holes), the subtext that statement is no secret: Ka Satur and the national democratic movement simply do not believe in Agrarian Reform.

They who filed a House Bill for the creation of the Genuine Agrarian Reform Act in the House of Representatives had, only a couple of months before, filed a House Resolution AGAINST the extension of CARP. In fact, in several Committee hearings, they unwittingly found themselves on the side of the likes of Iggy Arroyo and other Congressmen bent on protecting their landed interests.

Indeed, the past twenty years of CARP implementation have stood witness to a wide gamut of problems that have impacted heavily and adversely on the right of the farmers to till their own lands. The lack of political will from the Department of Agrarian Reform has largely been responsible for the failure to meet redistribution targets. Landowners have likewise resorted to creative legal gymnastics in order to retain their landholdings, making use of non land transfer schemes, like the Stock Distribution Option in Hacienda Luisita, onerous leaseback agreements and other corporate venture schemes which the CARL had allowed.

Policy problems have been compounded even further by various extralegal maneuvers being employed by landowners, including the filing of criminal cases to harass and intimidate the farmers — sometimes even resorting to the use of physical violence and scare tactics. In Hacienda Velez Malaga owned by Roberto Cuenca, a total of eleven peasant leaders had been killed between 2001 and 2007. In Bondoc Peninsula, there are documented cases of landowners confederating with members of the New People’s Army to liquidate the peasants. National and local government structures are routinely being abused to guarantee impunity.

We must distinguish, however, between extending RA 6657 and retaining its present form, and extending the agrarian reform program.

Given this landscape, after all, it is all too easy to make the call against the extension of the agrarian reform program, when in fact the call should be to introduce urgent reforms to the present law. While the premises of Ka Satur are valid and based on documented evidence, the conclusion reached should be reexamined. In the absence of real and concrete alternatives, eradicating CARP altogether will eliminate the already scant protections granted under the law to farmers and farmworkers.

Without the CARL, agrarian reform advocates would be bereft of any legal basis with which to assert the rights of tillers to the lands that they till. The power to take lands from landlords with huge tracts of lands and redistribute them is a power that only the State can exercise. Legally, no other entity or institution is clothed with that power. Likewise, the provision of support services post-redistribution cannot be relegated to any other entity. Hence, it is well nigh impossible to envision an agrarian reform program that is not state-sponsored or does not make use of state mechanisms. Operating within that framework and cognizant of that limitation, calling for the termination of the CARL in 2008 would only entrench even deeper landed interests and make the status quo even harder to dismantle.

Moreover, the 1987 Constitution mandates that the “State shall undertake an agrarian reform program founded on the right of farmers and regular farmworkers who are landless to own directly or collectively the lands that they till.” There is therefore a clear imperative to maintain in place a mechanism to forward this guiding principle.

The long list of problems with regard to the implementation of the existing agrarian reform program should not be a reason to eliminate the program altogether, in the absence of any other sustainable and viable alternative. Rather, the expiration of CARP in 2008 should be seen as an opportunity to lobby changes that reflect experiences on the ground and attempt to provide solutions to address persisting issues of landlessness, rural poverty and disenfranchisement.

Truly, genuine agrarian reform can only take place in a setting wherein there is a State that (1) understands the strategic importance of agrarian reform in eliminating rural poverty, (2) has the political will to break the hold of the landed class amidst a climate of political favors and clientelism, and (3) has a functioning and efficient bureaucracy that will speedily implement the program without fear or favor.

That does not mean, however, that failure to meet these criteria should result in a shelving of the agrarian reform program. There is much more to be lost than to be gained by relinquishing CARP at this particular juncture. The incremental gains accrued should be preserved, the protections it affords to farmers should be maintained, and the deficiencies and infirmities in its provisions should be corrected.

Help!

I need your help.

Our clan Christmas reunion every year always has a theme, and each nuclear family competes with each other for the best rendition of that theme. This year, our theme is “One Country, One Dish, One Show — Under God”.

Let me tell you about my family and these themed contests. We are your traditional Pinoy clan with big potluck parties and noisy kisses and kids running around, where everyone loves each other to bits and pieces and the closest thing to a black sheep is a wildchild female lawyer who refuses to settle down in BF homes (hey, could be a lot worse you know). We’re happy and warm and fuzzy. alright.

But during the Christmas season, the competition heats up. And we’re talking cutthroat competition here. Of the sneaky, deadly variety. Kanya kanyang tactics and strategies per family. We get so serious, it’s scary. One family’s style is to complain loudly about not having the time to prepare and about calling it off altogether, and then showing up with carefully-prepared costumes and props. My Mom, profoundly mature and wise at 52, is known for texting relatives “PREPARE TO BE DEFEATED” two weeks before Christmas.

This year, we heard that one family hired a stylist and a choreographer, which OF COURSE, has left my Mom and sister fretting no end. As it is, they were already fretting from the time they heard the countries selected by the other families (Africa, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, China, Greece, Finland). We had no time to prepare this year, as I was busy with my Amazing Race, my mom was rushing a book, and my sister is a hyper-agitated first year law student. The boys, of course, cannot be expected to be creative; they just run errands and do what we say. Hehe.

Since I was able to buy Vietnamese gowns for me earlier this year when I went to Vietnam, we decided to work around that. Jordan’s coming to Manila tomorrow so I made her buy Vietnamese mixes and spices, thus covering the food concern. The only problem left is the show.

This is a shout-out to anyone who might have a tarpaulin or poster from the Manila run of Miss Saigon, or any of the props used therein. We have not practiced yet, and if we don’t get it done, we will have to go with my Dad’s suggestion to do a powerpoint presentation on Vietnam. (and this is why , as much as possible, the boys in our family are not allowed to think).

As I have fundamental issues with bringing an LCD and a laptop to a christmas party and foisting pictures of the Vietnam War and Agent Orange on people nibbling on their Quezo de Bola, I need your help.

If you have anything at all that we could use for our Miss Saigon production (backdrop, tarpaulin, military costumes you would be willing to lend to me) please, please email me.

We were the grand champions last year:

Narrowly beating them:

Yeah babeh, the heat is on once more.

The heat is on in Saigon.

Featured Friend of the Week – Week 9 (yata)

Titigilan ko na dapat itong Featured Friend of the Week gimik ko, but when I read Charms’ blog today, I just knew I had to feature her. Sobra akong natouch sa entry na ito. Kung totoong Christmas is about unconditional love and friendship, umaapaw ang blog entry na ito ng Christmas spirit.

Nung nasa Iloilo ako last week, hinatid ako ni Charms sa forum ko at tinanong ako ni Ted, yung organizer ng forum, kung paano kami naging friends. I was about to say “Nung College” and then I found myself pausing. Suddenly, it felt too simplistic to say “nung College”.

“Nung College” does not even begin to describe a friendship so carefully cultivated over time, a sisterhood forged by heartbreaks and drama queen moments, long beer drinking sessions and “i-can’t-believe-you-did-that?!” monday morning quarterbacking. “Nung college” does not cover how she held you when your heart was breaking and wiped your tears when you were bawling; it does not cover one scary night spent at the hospital; it cannot explain how she lets me get away with text messages that go “i love you and I’ve missed you, and I so want to see you, but whatever you do, please wait in the lobby and do not go up to my hotel room”. “Nung college” can never completely capture one whole decade of long conversations, midnight moments at Sarah’s, never-ending fits of laughter.

Mahal ko si Charms. Sobra sobra. At pag nabasa nyo itong entry nya, mamahalin nyo din sya.

Happy Thoughts, by Charmaine Posa

I’ve been having a pretty tough …uhm…life basically but it never really is as bad as I make it seem when I’m drunk and going on and on about my miseries. I am just a drama queen. Since this is generally the case, today I have decided to make an exception and write about the happiest things in life. We must never forget.

Last year, I got rejected by a person. Last month, I got rejected by a company. I am considering applying for one of those tourist visas to first world countries but I’ve decided to postpone this. At this point, I wouldn’t be able to handle rejection by a country. It’s just too much, you know? So I poured my heart out to Dianne and as if never hearing a word she asked me: Gusto mo makita picture namin ni cris? Ang cute.

And then I thought: what the heck, Cge patingin.

Recently I came running to Jae because I got a reprimand and I felt horrible. She said the same thing that she always says: Huh? Exag.

And I figured: Oo nga. Exag. O. A. yun. End of story. Then she added: Try mo tong make up base. Sobrang ganda talaga. Bili kita.

I’ve had some problems with some of the ex-boyfriends. My friends weren’t really close to any of them. The KNL boys especially would just say something like : Musta na lovelife? Hinahabol mo pa rin ba yung ex mo? Some time ago, my friend Mori asked, Anong panagalan ng boylet na kinababaliwan mo? And so I told him. And he said: Huh? Parang refrigerator. That was boyfriend B. When Marga learned the name of boyfriend A, she went: Yun yung pangalan nya? As in yung hotel??

There were some other “potential boyfriends” the names of whom they could never recall.

Basta ung isa, parang hotel.

Ung isa, parang ref.

Ung isa, si Pigsa guy (Don’t ask why. They are just being downright cruel)

Once in a while, when I mention a name, they would say: sino yan?

Oh wait! But everybody can remember Jonathan. They know which one he is exactly.

He was the guy I dated for 4 days and then he said he would go home for a few days to Batangas. He would be back by Friday. And then I waited and waited. He never showed up. Few months later, I got to talk to him again. He couldn’t remember me at all. We all refer to that moment as “the Friday that never came.” Moki calls him: The one who RAN away but most of the time they just refer to him as Yung jologs mong jowa na may kulay ang buhok.

It’s two in the morning and I can’t remember everything but this is my all time favorite. We often ask: What would you do if you and your best friend fell in love with the same guy? Well, I know what to do.

Dianne and I once had a thing for the same guy. More accurately, we believed we LOVED the same guy and we were trying to resolve our hatred for each other over a bottle of beer at Sarah’s. She was crying. I was crying. I was threatened and hurt and frustrated that we had this contest between us. Frozen, she wasn’t saying anything to me. She gets that way when we fight. And I hated her more for that but she just wouldn’t talk.

Suddenly, the UP Soccer boys walked in. So I told her: Bru, soccer boys. And she slowly she looked up to me and said: Saan?

There is humor in heart break.

There is comfort in oblivion.

There is sweetness in cruelty.

And always… always… there are friends.

Jordan’s Survey

Enough with the heavy stuff from the previous blog entry. Here’s a fun survey I lifted from Jordan’s blog, with a few things I excluded and a few I added. Type your answers in Google Images and pick an image off the first page.

1. The age you will be on your next birthday:

2. A place to which you’d like to travel:

Greece. The Parthenon. The seat of debate. Take me there.

3. Your favorite place?

So many happy childhood memories in Iloilo. I love Guimaras too.

4. Your favorite object?

My journal.

5. Your favorite food?

6. Your favorite animal?

7. Your favorite color?

Pink cellphone, pink laptop, pink kikay kit, pink swiss knife.

8. The city in which you were born:

Manila City Hall yan. But to be specific, Paco, Manila. Then we moved to Malate, close to St. Scho.

9. The city in which you live:

Quezon City — where I live, where I used to study, where I work, where my favorite people in the world are.

10.  The name of a past pet:

Si Sparky, aso namin na nasagasaan. My brother and sister and I have never completely recovered.

11. The first name of a past love?

In the strict sense of the word “love”, there were three. 

12. Your best friend’s nickname?

Michael. Hehe.

12. Your nickname?

13. Your middle name?

Garcia. Not AntiSocial. Never anti-social.

14. Your last name?

15. A bad habit of yours:

Enough said. Hehe.

16. Your first job:

Writing raketera ako. From the early years of college to, well, now.

17. Your major in College?

18. Your favorite word?

19. What do you want?

A vacation from stress.  A less psychedelic  life.  Nice legs forever, hehe. And next time, better pictures of me with no poste.