JAE FEVER

Ambitious. Delicious. Seditious.

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    When, in a drinking session, someone suddenly tells you, “your naivete is what I love the most about you” it makes you stop and think. Especially when you’ve been, of late, trying to pass yourself off to those who don’t know better as a world-wise twenty-something sophisticate, right at home in a generation that thinks cynicism is chic. So I’m naïve. I believe in being part of a struggle much bigger than yourself; daring to reach for a heaven far beyond your grasp; doing your part to assuage wounds wrought by many lifetimes of strife and knowing that it will take double that number of lifetimes to completely heal. I can look every bully in the eye and I know I will not flinch. Very few things threaten me – probably more the result of the brashness of youth than the wisdom of years. I think the best kind of job is not the job that gets you a fat paycheck or gives you generous car plan. It’s the job that makes you sleep well at night and eager to get up the next day. I love knowing that I’m working with the good guys – and drinking with them later at night. I believe that the fire in my belly can quell the butterflies in my tummy, and that my phantoms are no match for my passions. I maintain that the Left is right (but also that social justice is impossible without procedural due process). I believe in love, purely and utterly: insisting on it, finding it, keeping it, allowing yourself to be swept off your feet by the violence of its current but at the same time rocked to gentle sleep in the constancy of its embrace. I believe in the certainty and constancy of my friendships. I believe I’m fabulous and beautiful, and if you don’t agree with me, that’s because you’re wrong. I would say I believe in a Higher Being that holds everything together, and allows us to find that glint of light amidst hunger and cancer and injustice and oppression —- But then, that’s not naivete anymore. That’s faith.
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Archive for December 17th, 2007

Featured Friend of the Week – Week 9 (yata)

Posted by Jae on December 17, 2007

Titigilan ko na dapat itong Featured Friend of the Week gimik ko, but when I read Charms’ blog today, I just knew I had to feature her. Sobra akong natouch sa entry na ito. Kung totoong Christmas is about unconditional love and friendship, umaapaw ang blog entry na ito ng Christmas spirit.

Nung nasa Iloilo ako last week, hinatid ako ni Charms sa forum ko at tinanong ako ni Ted, yung organizer ng forum, kung paano kami naging friends. I was about to say “Nung College” and then I found myself pausing. Suddenly, it felt too simplistic to say “nung College”.

“Nung College” does not even begin to describe a friendship so carefully cultivated over time, a sisterhood forged by heartbreaks and drama queen moments, long beer drinking sessions and “i-can’t-believe-you-did-that?!” monday morning quarterbacking. “Nung college” does not cover how she held you when your heart was breaking and wiped your tears when you were bawling; it does not cover one scary night spent at the hospital; it cannot explain how she lets me get away with text messages that go “i love you and I’ve missed you, and I so want to see you, but whatever you do, please wait in the lobby and do not go up to my hotel room”. “Nung college” can never completely capture one whole decade of long conversations, midnight moments at Sarah’s, never-ending fits of laughter.

Mahal ko si Charms. Sobra sobra. At pag nabasa nyo itong entry nya, mamahalin nyo din sya.

Happy Thoughts, by Charmaine Posa

I’ve been having a pretty tough …uhm…life basically but it never really is as bad as I make it seem when I’m drunk and going on and on about my miseries. I am just a drama queen. Since this is generally the case, today I have decided to make an exception and write about the happiest things in life. We must never forget.

Last year, I got rejected by a person. Last month, I got rejected by a company. I am considering applying for one of those tourist visas to first world countries but I’ve decided to postpone this. At this point, I wouldn’t be able to handle rejection by a country. It’s just too much, you know? So I poured my heart out to Dianne and as if never hearing a word she asked me: Gusto mo makita picture namin ni cris? Ang cute.

And then I thought: what the heck, Cge patingin.

Recently I came running to Jae because I got a reprimand and I felt horrible. She said the same thing that she always says: Huh? Exag.

And I figured: Oo nga. Exag. O. A. yun. End of story. Then she added: Try mo tong make up base. Sobrang ganda talaga. Bili kita.

I’ve had some problems with some of the ex-boyfriends. My friends weren’t really close to any of them. The KNL boys especially would just say something like : Musta na lovelife? Hinahabol mo pa rin ba yung ex mo? Some time ago, my friend Mori asked, Anong panagalan ng boylet na kinababaliwan mo? And so I told him. And he said: Huh? Parang refrigerator. That was boyfriend B. When Marga learned the name of boyfriend A, she went: Yun yung pangalan nya? As in yung hotel??

There were some other “potential boyfriends” the names of whom they could never recall.

Basta ung isa, parang hotel.

Ung isa, parang ref.

Ung isa, si Pigsa guy (Don’t ask why. They are just being downright cruel)

Once in a while, when I mention a name, they would say: sino yan?

Oh wait! But everybody can remember Jonathan. They know which one he is exactly.

He was the guy I dated for 4 days and then he said he would go home for a few days to Batangas. He would be back by Friday. And then I waited and waited. He never showed up. Few months later, I got to talk to him again. He couldn’t remember me at all. We all refer to that moment as “the Friday that never came.” Moki calls him: The one who RAN away but most of the time they just refer to him as Yung jologs mong jowa na may kulay ang buhok.

It’s two in the morning and I can’t remember everything but this is my all time favorite. We often ask: What would you do if you and your best friend fell in love with the same guy? Well, I know what to do.

Dianne and I once had a thing for the same guy. More accurately, we believed we LOVED the same guy and we were trying to resolve our hatred for each other over a bottle of beer at Sarah’s. She was crying. I was crying. I was threatened and hurt and frustrated that we had this contest between us. Frozen, she wasn’t saying anything to me. She gets that way when we fight. And I hated her more for that but she just wouldn’t talk.

Suddenly, the UP Soccer boys walked in. So I told her: Bru, soccer boys. And she slowly she looked up to me and said: Saan?

There is humor in heart break.

There is comfort in oblivion.

There is sweetness in cruelty.

And always… always… there are friends.

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