I Want To Believe… Even Though I’d Much Rather Fall Asleep

My friend Ipe thought X-Files The Movie was the bomb. He had waited for it for several months and when it finally came, it met all his expectations. I, on the other hand, watched out of nothing more than healthy curiosity, and went out of the theater rather disappointed.

The whole thing just felt… irrelevant.

You would think that after a decade or so of being out of air, they would attempt to make their comeback a bit splashier. Sure, it’s a cult classic with a large following, but fans get on with their lives, you know. They grow up, get jobs, raise families. If you want them to come back in droves, you have to do a bit more than to pander to nostalgia.

And really… stem cell research? Frankenstein doctors? How very 1990’s. (Remember Dolly the Sheep?) Plus, Scully gets a midlife crisis because some pedophile priest told her “Don’t give up” Couldn’t the epiphany moment have been triggered by a more original line?

The only clue we’re in 2008 is the crow lines around Scully’s eyes.  Buti nalang David Duchovny looked real hot. Scruffy beard and all.

p.s. Jordan asked me today in chat why I haven’t written about Mindanao yet. Aside from the fact that I don’t really see anyone waiting with bated breath for MY opinion, I don’t really know what to write, and what to say that hasn’t been said — and said better.  Moreover, I spent the long weekend training paralegals in Quezon and facilitating ed sessions in Calatagan. My brain is tired and I’m fine just thinking of MUlder tonight. Hehe.

Lost: PLANNER, Lost and harassed: JAE

I feel so lost. For the past three days, my planner has gone missing. I have tried looking everywhere — under my bed, in my closet, on the floor, name it and I’ve checked. Huhuhu, It’s true what they say that you only realize the value of something when it’s gone. For the past three days, I have been fretting endlessly about meetings and appointments that I had set before that I could be forgetting.

I always try to keep my planner within arm’s reach kasi at any given time, may text message na papasok setting up a meeting, or an appointment would lead to another meeting, and that meeting, a speaking engagement blah blah blah. Because I work for two institutions (one institution requires me to do BOTH legislative work and legal work..{load na pang fulltime work at part-time rates..haaay, this can only be LOVE hehehe} and the other institution is in the middle of a big campaign) no one knows my complete schedule except for me. Mayroon pa akong mga volunteer work on the side na sinisiksik ko sa gabi.

This is a shout-out to all of you: on the chance that I rode in your car, had a meeting at your workplace, went to your house, etc. Baka may naiwan akong planner na maliit na colorful ang cover. My name is on the inside flap.  Tingin tingin kayo sa paligid niyo kasi malapit na ako mawalan ng bait.

Oh and in case I had promised you a meeting or anything like that for this week or next, please text me or email me to remind me.

p.s. yesterday was one of those days in my life i had been dreading. some things take a lifetime to undo.

Don’t Fall In Love With A Superhero

“Don’t fall in love with a superhero.” So goes my friend’s text to me as I was idly watching the waves of Panglao from outside our resort. This was a friendship defined by incoherent text messages very early in the morning, midnight phone calls and intense arguments via email, so I guess it was something I was used to. I fired off a quick response (“tama ka”) and brushed off the mental cobwebs that marred my view of the ocean.

But then, now that I’m back in Manila, I started really thinking about it, and i realized that that could well be my problem. I have a weird penchant for superheroes. Not of the variety that scales walls and wears tights (and briefs over them), but, well, those who still passionately dream of and work for a world that is fairer and more just. The past few guys I’ve dated have all been in the movement, and though I could ascribe it to pure laziness (work with them in the daytime, date them at night…simple ang buhay), there’s something more, of course. Like I always say, I need to be with someone who views the world in a way I can respect.

But of course, recent experiences (by recent, I mean the past couple of years or so) make me now question the wisdom of such a criterion. On the one hand, pwede kayo magpakalasing sa passion and intensity, pero on the other, I’m creeping into my thirties and hankering for some stability. Sometimes I look at the neat and cozy lives of my friends and wonder if maybe I have my equations all wrong. Jane articulated that too in her blog entry about her friend “Holden”. It’s hard enough to explain my life choice to people (one of my classmates in college actually asked me, “so bakit ka nga nag-agriculture? ano ba ginagawa ng agricultural lawyer”), it’s harder to explain why I haven’t “gotten my act together” (actual phrase used) and start looking for a lawyer or doctor or engineer to hang out with and eventually marry.

Kasi nga gusto ko ng superhero. Truth, justice and the American AKBAYAN way.

But then, I’ve found that superheroes are often very complicated men. Mala-dark knight. And for those who know me best, I’m really just a simple girl. Hindi ako kumplikado. I don’t play games, I don’t tacticize, I say what I mean and mean what I say. One thing that’s strange about me is that no matter how exposed I am to injustice in this world (my job description is trying to end it by taking teeny-tiny steps) and despite being a victim of pure evil a whole lifetime ago, I still trust that the universe is a kind and gentle place. Kaya siguro, unexplained meanness shocks me so much. I just never see it coming, and when it does, it sends me reeling. A month and a half ago, I was just trying to be kind to someone, and when it was met with such sharp hostility, wala akong handles with which to respond. My friend says it might not be a big deal, but then, who’s to say what’s a big deal and what’s not? Nagmaganda ako, pretended it didn’t hurt me so much, but it did. And that’s because I didn’t understand it. It was completely incoherent to me. And I don’t know what to learn from it — except perhaps not to be kind? To keep on second-guessing myself, lest I be misunderstood or overread? To calibrate affection, as though life is some chess game or Abba song (all together now: “the winner takes it aaaaaaaaaall…”)?

Weird. Di ako ganun.

In the end, I’m still hoping that there is someone out there who can be the superhero I am looking for, but who can also be my bedrock and safe haven. And who won’t be so complicated and would accept me for who I am, warts and weirdness and weaknesses.

And while I’m at it, Lord, sana din po, HOT. At lalaking lalaki. Ayoko po kasi sana ng metrosexual.

Hehe.

Bohol is Happiness

So many things could have gone wrong.

 I was checking the 5-day forecast for Bohol as early as Monday last week, and Yahoo weather grimly announced that thunderstorms should be expected. There were almost daily reports of Cebu Pacific flights getting delayed or cancelled. Mang Jun, the tour guide whose number I procured after hours on end researching and reading online forums, could suddenly disappear on me and leave us stranded at the airport.

In the end, though, everything went perfect. Our flight was on schedule, the weather was perfect, Mang Jun showed up and regaled us with stories and trivia on his hometown, we were able to visit the Chocolate hills, our resort was fantastic, and Anik’s wedding absolutely beautiful.

By the view deck of the Chocolate Hills. I have another picture of me on a broomstick, appearing as though I’m flying but I only have a hard copy. Business nila yun dun. They lend you a broom stick, have you put it between your legs and ask you to jump while taking your pic. Their camera is super high tech so kahit mababa talon mo, it really appears as though you’re gliding on air.

By the hanging bridge near the Loboc River.

At Panglao, in front of our resort.

with Judith, Mitch, Me-anne, right before Anik’s wedding at Tagbilaran. These girls have been my friends for more than a decade.

This time with Anik and her husband Raul….

And my happy-shot. This one was taken at the Bohol Bee Farm.

Happiness.

Happy Thoughts on a Gloomy Day

Whenever I woke up to an overcast sky as a little girl, my lola would always telling me that thinking happy thoughts would make the sky clear up. Then, we would be able to go out and play patintero and Monkey Monkey Anabel and taguan again. Fast forward to now — it’s raining incessantly, I’m nursing a mini-flu, and the news is depressing (who bribed who in the Meralco-GSIS tug-o-war).

Five happy thoughts to make the rain stop:

a. I haven’t sat down to read and finish a book in a loooong time, owing to my crazy schedule, even though I keep on telling myself I should. A few days ago, I bought me a copy of “A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini (the author of the “Kiterunner”) and read it in one sitting, well into the night, even though I had an 8am hearing the next day. Of course, it’s the kind of book that that you sorta know would someday become a Hollywood movie, but it still is a moving and engrossing read in the tradition of the beautiful and lyrical language of the Kite Runner.

b. From the (slightly) high-brow to the downright jologs — can I just say that I am SUPER obsessed with Claudine Barretto’s newest soap IISA PA LAMANG? It’s so over-the-top and unapologetically escapist, you just gotta love it. Classic tagalog drama. They wear bonnets inside the house, go swimming dripping in diamonds, and every hystrionic confrontation involves pointing a gun at the other party’s temple. Oh and Gabby Concepcion is there, which makes it as classic as classic can get. I thought I was the only one who liked it, yun pala the girls in my law school block were into it as well. I love my lawyer-friends.

c. No matter how tired I am when I come back from area work, it still feels like I came back from a vacation. Maybe because I’ve come back from something that I truly love doing, with people I truly love being with. Was in Batangas Thursday and Friday, and facilitated two meetings with farmers. Na-happy ako when people said magaling ako mag-faci, and the reason I was so elated is, kinarir ko siyang matutunan in preparation for my not-so-secret CO dream. It’s a skill I wanted to develop so I watched how people would do it, listened very hard, asked questions. I’ve a long way to go and much to learn, but I like to think I’m off to a good start.

d. My fourth happy thought is that I am surrounded by wonderful friends. We have a couple of families over here in Manila whose husbands are farmers killed recently in Masbate, and the problem of their daily expenses soon became very real. I texted Yenyen, whose family owns King’s Foods, and she promptly responded with around 10 kilos of food stuff. I asked her on Friday and she had the items ready by today for pickup tomorrow. Unbelievable, this girl. Salamat, Yen. I am truly grateful.

e. And lastly, haaay, only a few days more and I’m off to Bohol for Anik’s wedding. Anik is one of my friends in UP debate society, and my very first debate teammate as we were in the rookie team together in Singaproe (can I just say, the team that broke into the octofinals on its very first try… ). I’m so excited to go to the wedding, and I’m also excited to go to Panglao for the very first time. The past months have been tiring (ang hirap ng two-institution workload) and this is the brief break that I haven’t really had in a long, long time. I had planned to go on a diet to get me bikini-ready, but, well, you know how those plans go.

So there. Five random happy thoughts. Hope the rain stops. My flu stops. And I can watch John Lloyd and Sarah Geronimo tomorrow. Yippeeee.

p.s. shame on me for not bothering to write about the SONA. though what is there to say really? i thought assunta looked rockin’. hehe. jordan has a hilarious entry on the SONA here.