Apparently, there’s this guy named Harold Camping from the Christian Network Family Radio going around America announcing that Apocalypse is coming on May 21, 2011. Judgment day, he calls it. We may yet eat our words, but the general consensus worldwide seems to be that the only judging that will take place is of him and his kooky Kool-aid crew by the rest of the planet.
In the spirit of Judgment Day fever however, I have taken it upon myself to list the 10 things that I am judgmental about. And no, I’m not talking about statements like “I am judgmental of child pornographers.” Or “I am intolerant of intolerance.” I am talking of snarky, petty little judgments for which there can be no justification or redemption.
Here is my list. I judge:
1. People who, when asked what their favorite book is, include any book by Dan Brown, or in the alternative, list “The Secret” as the book that has changed their life. (The worst though would have to be those who make a verb out of “The Secret” , i.e., “Yes, i Secreted him last summer, and now he’s my boyfriend.” “I am Secreting that wish tonight, maybe tomorrow, I’ll have a job!”)
2. Affected accents. Especially affected American accents.
3. Tortured poets/misunderstood artists, ten years out of University. Especially when the poetry or the art is mediocre to begin with. You’re not Kafka, babe. You’re not Sartre. But yes, hell can be other people if you don’t get hold of yourself.
4. Girls who flaunt their chick-angst and psychedelic dramas — thinking it’s still cute and quirky and charming — past the age of thirty. Unless your name is Winona Ryder. Angst can’t be helped; if it’s there, it’s there. But celebrating it as though it’s 1994 and the Reality Bites soundtrack is the soundtrack of your life is..well.. just sad.
5. People who have bought more than three things from Home TV shopping; also, people who have had more than three relationships that began online. There’s something to be said about gullibility and the human condition.
6. Able-bodied non-elderly tourists that get on hop-on, hop-off double deck buses when visiting a new city just because it’s more convenient. You’re lazy. And boring. I wouldn’t want to be your friend.
7. Those who don’t get it. Few years ago, I was on a first date with someone and we were getting to know each other. “Do you drink”, he asked. “Social drinker,” I replied. “Do you smoke,” he continued. “Social smoker (at the time)”, I also replied. “What don’t you do socially,” he asked, teasing lightly. “Climb.” I said. And his answer that made a second date not possible: Well, it’s always good to climb with other people.
8. The grossly uninformed — and extremely opinionated. Ignorance is forgivable, ignorance with the iron-clad certainty of one’s convictions is not. i.e., “Israel is absolutely the victim in the Middle East conflict. Look at all those suicide bombers! Huh? What? What flotilla bombing?” Also, the grossly-uninformed and proud of it. i.e., “Oh gosh, I haven’t been following the news in the Middle East because I have a life..(insert giggle).”
9. Facebookers who either have more than three active online games (farms, restaurants, cities), do not know personally more than 20% of their Facebook friends, or successively use famous quotations lifted from google as status messages to disguise their inability to come up with original content.
10. People who spend money on skin-whitening products.
And by way of ending —
Happy Judgment Day, everyone!!! =)
***And in case you feel the compulsion to judge me, here’s some fodder you can use:
- I can’t bike.
- I can’t swim.
- I can’t sing (in a country where everybody sings).
- I have the occasional chick-angst that I try to contain by being contemptuous of chick-angst. I fake my rock-steadiness sometimes.