Was at Mercury drugstore yesterday to buy potato chips (for my Recommended Daily Allowance of sodium and spice and everything not-nice) and on a whim, I decided to get my weight taken. Major shocker: I weigh twenty pounds heavier than I weighed after graduating from law school.
Of course it shouldnt matter to me. I do after all work for an organization that espouses pluralism and diversity and acceptance and drinking-everyday-till-everyone-grows-a-potbelly-and-becomes-equal (loko lang, hehe), and thinness, nay skinniness, after all is nothing but a cultural imposition foisted upon women, but bilbil is bilbil is bilbil is bilbil and I DON’T LIKE IT. Not on me anyway.
It becomes a million times worse when other people rib you about it. Why do you think I took my weight in Mercury? At a family gathering over the weekend at Alabang Town Center, that was all my relatives could say to me after the requisite beso-beso. My metrosexual cousin told me my skin was clearing up and asked me what I was using. “Olay Total Effects,” I said, happy to get the topic off my extra padding. He replied: “Ay, nakakataba din pala yon. Bwahahahaahahahaha”
And of course it doesn’t help that you have a mom who is 100 pounds, has three children and a waistline of 24″, and firmly believes with no room for argument that she is the hottest non-surgically-enhanced 52-year-old around. She seems to enjoy telling me to “cover your tiyan, your bilbil is jiggling, eeuuw..” or to remind me that at 26 (my age now) she had two kids and a whistlebait figure. I love her dearly, and I tell myself that she must have worked so hard to pay for the ridiculous tuition fees in St. Scho, she missed all those Oprah episodes on “feeding the positive self-image of your little girl”.
Dear God, after stopping peasant violence and sending thunderbolts of fire to the wicked landlords, after helping us have clean and bloodless elections (with Akbayan winning three seats again, hehe), if You have time lang naman po, please please please please please take away my bilbil.
And to the rest of you: donations to my Dove Self-esteem Fund now accepted.😀