Posted by: Jae | July 25, 2007

Competitive

Competitive ako. As in.

Nung college ako, kasama ako sa debate society ng UP. Sumasali-sali kami sa mga contest contest. Dahil nga on-the-spot binibigay yung topic at on-the-spot mo din malaman yung side mo, kelangan madami kang alam sa current events. Kilala mo si Mobutu Sese Seko? Kilala namin yon, pati kapitbahay ng kapatid nya. Alam mo ba kung ilang percent ng timberland area sa Indonesia ang nasira nung forest fire? Hindi rin namin alam pero kaya naming imbentuhin yon. With a straight face. Tinanong kami ng coach namin dati, kung bakit kami nagpapakahirap magtrain at magresearch imbes na mag-inuman nalang. Sabi ng isa, “gusto ko matuto ng current events.” Sabi naman ng isa, “magla-law kasi ako.” Ako lang ata ang sumagot: “Masarap kasi manalo.” Try nyong manalo sa debate kalaban ang top-ranked team ng International Islamic University on the topic of Islamic fundamentalism. Try nyong matalo ninyo ang Stanford, with their Ivy League accent and all. Orgasmic, mga tol. Kahit na mas madaming beses ka natatalo, kahit minsa’y natagpuan kayo ng teammate mo ng coach nyo na nakaupo sa tabi ng basurahan on a very cold Australian night at nakatingin sa kawalan dahil natalo kayo ng Bangladesh, go ka pa din. Fight. Test the limits of your soul’s resilience. Challenge the capacity of your heart to accept one defeat after another. For the chance of winning. For that feeling, that adrenaline rush.

Teka, nasaan na ba ako? Ah oo. Competitive ako. Super duper.

The night before yung exam para makapasok sa UP Law (yung LAE), nagmumukmok ako with my friend sa Sarah’s. Nastrestress ako mag-LAE, di din naman ako sure na gusto ko mag-law. At I just broke off a relationship so slightly off-kilter ako. At syempre, aminin na natin, may ego part na kinakabahang hindi makapasa. Sabi sa akin ng friend kong si Mori, who knows exactly how to push my buttons, “Huuuuu, ayaw mo lang kasi kasabay mo mag-test si _____. Takot ka kasi baka pumasa sya at ikaw hindi”. Ayun, that was all it took. Nag-LAE ako. At tantarantan.. five years after, abugado na ako. Nagsimula sa isang buyuan sa Sarah’s, by a friend who knew EXACTLY what he was doing at the time he was doing it.

About two weeks ago, may katext ako, a close close friend, an activist who has earned his stripes. May thing kasi kami na itetext ko sya kung hihingiin ko yung opinion nya on a contentious issue, tapos sya ganun din. Parang, “what’s your take on this?” Mga difficult, gray-area questions lang, hindi yung tipong, “Anong tingin mo sa SONA ni GMA?” na obvious ang sagot unless ikaw si Iggy Arroyo. May tinanong ako sa kanya hinggil sa isang issue and we happened to have different takes on it. After a flurry of exchanges, nag-agree ako sa kanya and I told him exactly that. “You win. I agree.” Ang sabi niya, “First time in four years ko lang narinig sa yo yan.”

Sa yoga class ko kahapon, lagi ko sinisilip yung katabi ko at kinokompare ko kung tama yung ginagawa ko. Parang grade one na sisilipin mo yung katabi mo, tapos either mag-woworry ka kung maganda yung project nya, or secretly ka magsmasmile kung lagpas lagpas sya magcolor sa lines ng coloring book. Ayan tuloy, sabi ni Teacher Joanne (sa buong class kunwari, pero feeling ko sa akin yon), “Don’t compare yourself with others; yoga is about finding your pace, finding your peace, reaching deep within.”

Ayan, Jae, yoga/life lesson number one: find your pace, find your peace, wag inggitera, wag-awayera.

Pero bago yan, aminin mo na kaya ka nagboblog ng super dalas these days e ayaw mo magpatalo kay Golda, na EVERYDAY nagboblog. Ang lupet. Gusto ko din maging malupit. At complit. Centrum complit.

Hahahahaha. Yoga has a lot to teach me. Ohm. Ohm. Ohm.

p.s. ang latak ng entry na to. pag-iisipan ko kung idedelete ko to o hindi.

p.p.s. pa-davao ako for one week. babay muna.


Responses

  1. haha jae, ok naman maging competitive pero piliin natin sa anong area.di ako dumaan dun sa coloring book type of competitive.kadiri ka!pero nagjajog ako ngayon with my now-healthy sister at mas ok ako pag nakikita ko na naiiwan na niya ako.mas may motivation na tumakbo.tama ka, adrenaline rush and manalo.i have never liked any sport na playing against yourself lang.pucha, mas masarap tlga na may natatalo ka sa football!

  2. hahahaha. ang mature. sige, sige, di na ako magcocompete sa yoga.๐Ÿ™‚ sa ibang bagay nalang.

  3. […] the blogosphere, I enjoyed this entry very much, in the blog of Jae Fever. There is a kind of fulfillment from a sense of philosophical detachment. Much as we more often […]

  4. Nakakatuwa.๐Ÿ™‚

  5. competitive is sexy. but you are most beautiful when you are sad. and frail. take care of your health.

  6. golds, true… sa jogging din you really have to find your pace and not compete (unless you’re competing in a marathon, but which also needs that you still find your own fast pace lest you burn yourself out). it’s stressful to jog keeping up with somebody else… aside from my daily (ohm mani padme hum) mantra, i have to imbue also jae’s teacher joanne’s words “find your pace, find your peace”

    jae, competitive! sabi na nga ba why i always have that feeling when i chat with you that this girl doesn’t want to lose (even during lawschool years).

  7. Hahahaha, having gone through exactly what Jae went through in college debate, having been her opponent several times, only to find myself teaming up with her against obnoxious frat boys in law school (and completely annihilating these boys in the process), I definitely know what she means when it comes to being ‘competitive.’ I am fiercely competitive myself, but only in things that really matter to me, or areas that I know I can excel in.

    Take debate, for instance. College debate, I knew I was there for travel and the friendships. I never dreamt of winning, of beating anyone, because I knew I am just an average debater. Sa roster of debaters from Ateneo pa lang, lagi akong natatalo, what more sa international tourneys? At hindi ako nahiya to be a fan of my teammates, like William, Ray and Michelle, or even of opponents, like Franco Larcina. But I still tried out every single time because may free trips, and plus i love to travel. So what I did — I did just enough to make the team. But, I admit it felt really awesome to beat Ivy League schools, and to be praised by world champions for inventing a theory on pollution trading that apparently sounded good, even though my teammate and I didn’t know anything about it, and just kinda figured it out towards the end. Thank God closing opposition kami nun.๐Ÿ™‚

    But for law school, debate became a competition for me. Because I felt that I could really excel in mooting. At I thought, kung hindi ko maintindihan ang batas, at hindi ko ma-apply to scenarios and issues, dapat talaga hindi ako maging abogada. Because becoming a lawyer was, to me, a life goal, I needed to excel, to push my limits, to be the best I can possibly be.

    Bottomline, I really took the mantra ‘fight the battles you can win’ to heart. I wouldn’t trade the debate experience for anything though. If not for debate, I wouldn’t have found a good friend in Jae.๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Hi Jae. Stumbled upon your website coz u were linked to by MQ3. Good posts๐Ÿ™‚ I found the debate bits hilarious

    -Fabian

  9. Jae? Competitive? Actually, the word doesn’t quite do justice to what Jae really is — try “Hell Bent” instead.

    No. I don’t mean she’s going to Hell. I mean “hell bent” should be affixed to every sentence that seeks to describe what she intends to do. For example:

    Dance — “Jae is hell-bent on going dancing tonight!”

    Law — “Do you think she’ll take up Law? Yaaa! She’s hell bent on being a lawyer!”

    Food — “Gutom na kaya si Jae? Naman! Tingin mo?”๐Ÿ™‚

  10. B – thank you, (i think). hehe.

    Chrisgel – nagpapatalo naman ko minsan minsan.

    Joan – saya magdebate nun, all we cared about was winning. now our wins and losses impact on other people’s lives. and that scares the bajeezus out of me.๐Ÿ˜ฆ kalaban ko (namin ni golda) tong si joan ngayon sa isang kaso, but i know — in debate, as in real life — whatever happens in the end, we’ll always be super duper great friends and two giddy girls who laugh just a bit too loudly.

    Fabian – Heya! How are you na?๐Ÿ™‚

    Nold – Exag. Haller.

    Waaaah miss ko na kayo lahat. Homesick na ako. (haha. drama queen)

  11. “si jordan, pasikat lang yan. ayaw magpatalo sa kin. hahaha. ”

    competitive din ako e bakit ba. that’s why we’re friends.

  12. cari duit

    i’m loving it!

  13. Debater ka pala. I used to be with the UP Manila Debate Circle.

    Gosh, I miss the post-modern days.๐Ÿ™‚

  14. hi james. may ilang naging kaibigan din ako sa debate circle, pero malamang hindi kayo nagkaabutan. yung batch nina roselle manahan at ivy patdu.๐Ÿ™‚


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