Posted by: Jae | October 4, 2007

Sing, Star, Sing

It was one of those summer vacations in Iloilo. I was six and sick and grumpy. My whole family had left me at home and went to join the Holy Week tradition in Guimbal called the Bari-Bari. Everyone would be there and my six-year-old heart ached at the injustice of being left behind while everyone else was having fun.

My Lola and I were seated outside the house, beside the banana tree. I was muttering under my breath, still angry, while she sat beside me, annoyingly unflappable in her calmness. Look up, she then said, pointing towards the sky. I lifted my head and saw the magnificent array of stars studding the ink-black blanket of night. Some twinkled furiously; some just glowed on and on, bright and blinding, as though certain of its majesty. Look at what? I asked my grandmother, still trying to be sullen and difficult.

At that, she whispered. And she was pointing to the dullest, tiniest star in the sky, barely visible to the naked eye. Tired sad star. It sings to sick children, she said. Because that’s the power God gave it. God gave it the special power to sing to sick children, and no one else can hear the melody but them. Close your eyes, she prodded me. And I did.

I do not know how it happened, it could be because my fever was so high, or it could be my grandmother singing under her breath, but I remember that I heard the faintest faintest trill of a faraway voice. The star was singing and as far as I was concerned, it was singing to me. I was special and important.

I looked up at the sky tonight and remembered that story. Amidst the zigzag of electric wires, I looked for my tired faithful sad star who would sing for me. I shut myself from the sound of the city and waited. Sing, star, sing. Nothing came. And then I felt — not sadness no, perhaps, a feeling more active than sadness. A welling sense of panic. Over things slipping away. The once-retrievable becoming irretrievable; and the irretrievable taunting from afar. Sing, damn star, sing. Sing for the weathered parts of me, for all the bones that creak and the joints that falter and the organs that malfunction and the wounds I’ve picked.

Sing dear star, for every thing inside of me that bleeds and hurts.

But this time nothing came. There was still only silence. Interminable silence.


Responses

  1. maybe sa dami ng sick kids sa mundo, hindi na kumakanta si twinkle twinkle little star for those who are well… or who will get well.🙂

    p.s. ang galing ng pagkasulat nito, mehn.

  2. kung mamarapatin mo, ako na lang ang kakanta para sa iyo…..ehem ehem…
    i want to laaay you down on a bed of roses….for tonight i sleep on a bed of naaaaiiillss, i want to be just as close as the hooooly ghost is… and lay you down…on a bed of roses….

  3. ella – thanks, sweet thing.🙂

    levy – hehe. bon jovi. secret crush ko yun eh. favorite song ko sa kanya yung if you want me to lay my hands on you…lay your hands on me…lay your hands on me…. lay your hands on me. …..

  4. i agree, ang ganda nga ng pagkakasulat mehn…

    ako nung bata pa kapag maysakit, minsan, mumu lang pantakot eh ok na ako — pag takot ka kasi, walang time mag dramarama hehehe. inom na agad ng gamot tapos tulog na.

    levy! may song talaga??!!! waaahhhhh, tambling!
    parang nai-imagine ko kung ano ang suot mo habang kinakanta mo yan..ehem ehem. ;-D

    paborito kasi particular bonjovi song na yan sa ilang lugar jan sa timog bwahahahaha! (hint: yung hindi mga barako ang clientele)

    come to think of it… nakita na ba kita dun???😉 haha

  5. jae….
    tambling ako 10x sa lyrics ng paborito mong bonjovi song (in fernez di ko alam yan…) may message kaya?
    😉

  6. JAE!!!!! inedit mo na naman ako!!!!!

    ;-(

  7. si bonjovi ba talaga ang crush mo jae??

  8. ako naman crush ko si richie sambora….those eyes, heavenly talaga…..

    gus,
    signature song ko yan sa saligan, hahaha

  9. gus – haha. sa lagay na yun, edited na yun. pasalamat ka nga niretain ko ang basic essence, kahit gusto ko nalang talaga idelete. karengkeng ka na nga, nandadamay ka pa ng mga innocent bystanders. hahahaha.🙂 “innocent bystander rule.” text ka sa labor lawyer (na taga saligan, para libre) kung ano ibig sabihin nun. yihheeeeee.

    levy – naku, wag ka humihirit ng ganyan. may isang ummm, non-barakong nagkakaroon ng lakas ng loob. hehehe. pero honestly, ayoko talaga ng bed of roses. worst bon jovi song yon, for me.

  10. haha, sabi ko na nga ba levy, glamrocker ka!! di ka papasa sa Chinese cultural revolution!

    sige, hihirit ako sayo ng xmas gift (ngayon lang to ha!!!): isang video na kumakanta ka ng bed of roses — with a costume of your choice (or the absence thereof)! haha😉

    by the way, mas crush ko si bonjovi kesa kay richie, lalo na nung nagpagupit si bonjovi…😉

  11. in fernez, parang nawalan ng saysay ang malungkot na mensahe ni jae sa sing, star, sing na ituh

  12. oo nga. parang walang effect. hahahaha.

  13. sobrang nostalgic naman nito. na alaala ko tuloy that whenever i spent my vacation in Panay at nagka sakit ako, i was never allowed by my Lola to step out of the house not until i recover. bakit ganun? it’s one of the old customs in the island i was told o baka takot lang ang Lola at madami kasing aswang dun (hehe).
    ‘day, hanap ka muna ng isang saging tree in the city. and if you are lucky enough to find 1, take a sit beside it. baka sakaling kumanta uli ang little star mo.

  14. Hi Jae! Ang ganda. Ang galing talaga.

    Maybe the stars were silent because they wanted you to sing your heart out this time. As you looked up the sky that night, what you saw was your own ‘tired faithful sad star’ reflected. The stars in meaningful silence, charmingly twinkling, gazing at you with the message: ‘Sing, Jae, sing. You are the star.’🙂

    P.S. Matagal ka na pala bumalik sa pag-blog. Akala ko pahinga ka muna, hehe. Mabuti at nabasa ko iyong survey mo sa friendster.

  15. kulas – madami nga aswang sa panay island. malay mo descendant tayo ng aswang.🙂

    bonn – so sweet of you. your message really perked me up. natawa lang ako ng line na “you are a star”. malamang hindi ka makaka-relate, pero naiisip ko si regine velasquez sa line na yan. hehehe.

  16. malay mo na dadalawin kita minsan pag sapit ng hating gabi. ‘wag kalimutan na isara ang bintana ha. ;p

  17. This entry really moved me. I agree, mahusay ang pagkakasulat nito, OA sa ganda. It got me thinking about how the world turns and turns and doesn’t wait for anyone.
    I, too, look at the stars from time to time, and while before, seeing them up there comforted me and made me whole, now, looking up humbles me, and reminds me how small I am in the context of the universe. I think, dearie, that with the spinning of the world comes inevitable change. And maybe, just maybe, with the changing of the tides comes also a change in our lives.
    Before, you had your precious star to sing for you to heal you. Now, it’s your turn. With your writing, with your advocacies, you have managed to become that exact same star–only more tangible and real–to all those who read your blog, to all those you help, and the lucky ones whom you’ve chosen to let into your world, and into your heart.

  18. kulas – may bawang naman ako sa ilalim ng unan eh. hehehe.

    joan – awww. thanks. natouch ako for real sa message mo. i dont know about being a “star” for other people, what i do know is that i have a lot of stars in friends who are there for me unceasingly (kahit paulitulit ang tema ng mga drama ko hehehe). tama na, ang drama na nito. mwah! love you always.

  19. Mukhang nilalandi ka ni Kulas. Napansin mo ba? O naka kandado na naman ang tindahan mo? Haha.

  20. parang ang hilig mo manukso these days. as in, indiscriminate firing. wawa naman si kulas. dinadamay mo pa.

    at di ko pa ata kaya ibukas ng karinderya, kahit pa…. matumal ang benta. wahahahahaha.


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