Golds and I, maybe two weeks ago, talked about waiting for our Christmas moment. We had both been swamped with work and some depressing stuff, and were waiting for that precise and profound moment when we would “know” with all certainty that Christmas is here.
When Golda told me that found hers around last week during one of her Simbang Gabi visits, I felt envious as mine hadn’t come yet. Though I did my share of Christmasy activities, I felt no spark, no burst of excitement. I wanted to feel the rush and kick of the Season like a drug coursing through my veins.
It’s around 4am of December 24, less than 24 hours before Christmas, and here I am, wide awake and tinkering with my laptop. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I have it all wrong. I’ve been waiting for that one dramatic moment when Christmas would hit me from behind and knock me off my feet, as though Christmas were a careening overspeeding drunk driver. So intent was I on that lightning bolt a-ha! moment that I’ve managed to ignore the tiny, tiny Christmas moments that have come my way over the course of the past two weeks.
There have been so many random bite-sized moments of happiness that I’ve carelessly brushed aside in my search for something BIG and GRAND.
I’ve had my Christmas moment when finding Nats’ (the baby kringle who didn’t believe in options) elusive white robe in one small store at Farmers’ Plaza after days of futile searching, and a Dateline Philippines book for another friend after scouring many bookstores for it. I’ve had my Christmas moment when after one afternoon of aimless walking and navigating through Greenhills’ endless crowds, I hit upon a jumbo bottle of Vaseline lotion AT 50% OFF for my officemate Karl. I’ve had my Christmas moment when, while sitting alone in a deserted UP Church and feeling the familiar mortality fears creep in, Amor the scoongie vendor who I knew from my College days, quietly sits beside me and tells me “hindi ka na mukhang sakitin.” (Of course, that could be her way of tactfully calling me fat.) I’ve had my Christmas moment in the company of those close to my heart — Dulcinea morning with my law school barkada, beer and rowdy bingo with Akbayan buddies, laughing out loud with college friends, drinking with Emman, planning a trip to Guimaras with Charms and Dianne, and going on the Big Binondo Food Tour with Jordan (oh and yes, Celeste Legaspi and her entire brood who were our tour classmates).
And now I know that Christmas isn’t about thunderbolt moments. It’s about love in the bits and pieces of everyday, wrapping you up and keeping you safely and snugly cocooned, your heart protected and your head at rest.
Wishing you and those you hold dear a lifetime of Christmas moments. May this season hold the answer to your secret little dreams.