Posted by: Jae | February 13, 2008

The Ex Files: A Valentine Entry

  A few nights ago, some friends asked me who my favorite ex was. I was stumped and hard-pressed to give a reply, so I said that I had no favorite, that all of them were special during the period of our relationship, but that in all cases, there were valid reasons that made the relationship untenable. Joan DV did her great EX list sometime back, and I’ve been thinking about coming up with my own list too last year but too much was going on for me at the time, relationship-wise.

But since I’m now in “I can see clearly now the rain has gone” mode, I’m thinking, why not? I don’t want to focus on the bad parts, though. That stuff is over now and whatever resentment or hurt or even guilt that I used to feel, it’s all perma-sealed in a rusty old baul, never to be reopened again. 

Boyfriend A, to put it very simply, swept me off my feet. Period. I was eighteen and in College, I wore short shorts and tsinelas to school, sometimes forgot to comb my hair, and devoured one issue after another of The Economist, Time and Newsbreak in order to win debate tournaments. I had zero experience being treated like a princess. Then Boyfriend A came and he made me feel so special. Flowers and chocolates and care packages lovingly put together. But more than that, more than the material stuff, it was the love letters. He wrote the most beautiful love letters of them all, and crafted words that made me swoon. A marriage proposal soon followed – quite overwhelming for a girl of eighteen, without a college degree yet. The breakup with Boyfriend A was the most awful of all the breakups, but these are not things that should be dwelt on  at this time. I will always remember the happy and heady times fondly.

Boyfriend B, I met when the environmental organization I interned for in law school sponsored an earth day concert and got him to be one of the singers for the event. We started talking. And talking and talking. And talking some more. He got my thoughts, values and ideas, put them in a Petri-dish and held them up against the light – challenging me like I’ve never been challenged before. He’s romantic too, as I suppose all artists are, but it wasn’t so much the romance as it was his ability to stimulate and provoke me. And like I always tell everyone, in large measure, he was responsible for the life-direction I have chosen.

Boyfriend C made me laugh the hardest. It was a relationship fraught with, shall we say, challenges from the get-go and there were so many reasons to walk out, but I stayed for some length of time. At the end of the day, the reason was simple: no one – absolutely no one – could cheer me up after a bad day better than he could. He was forgetful and unfocused and sometimes incoherent, but he cared for me in the best way he knew how. We laughed together, at each other, with the world, at the world. Yes, I was happy.

I’ve moved on from these relationships already, so I think it’s safe to wax nostalgic because there’s no pang of longing, no more wishing to go back and recapture whatever it was that was lost. I thank these men for making me happy and for loving me during the period that we were together. Because of these three relationships, I have a better idea of what I want. And my bottomlines are steadfastly in place.  I know that “good love is on its way” and Im ready to hold out for that. There’s no rush. Steady lang.

Someone asked me out for Valentine’s Day. I’m not ashamed to say I’m not ready yet to get back on the serious dating scene (somehow, dating on Valentine’s day seems so.. serious). This will be the first time in a long time that I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day completely unattached and I am so looking forward to a long happy night with my girl friends, drinking San Miguel beer and downing plateful upon plateful of sinful spicy sisig.


Responses

  1. hmmm. ang juicy ng entry na to and ang dami ko gusto sabihin, hahahaha.

    I’ll behave and remember the good memories you had with A,B,& C as you recounted them to me:

    A – watching new year’s eve firecrackers in some hotel and feeling so in love. you thought this was it (i did too).

    B – intelligent and you felt no one could be his equivalent for some time. (somehow I think you knew this wasn’t it but it was great while it lasted. as for me, i met him some decades ago and in a totally different context so this was weird, haha)

    C – the one true love that had to be let go because of things bigger than both of you. grabe yung pagmamahal mo dito. (it was long and painful or seemed that way but you HAVE moved on, finally)

    cheers to sinful sisig, girlfriends and a more enlightened you – not necessarily in that order.

    love ya🙂

  2. TELL-ALL talaga??!?!!?!?!? natakot tuloy akong maging sikat, at biglang mamatay. baka bigla kang gagawa ng biography about me. hahaha.

  3. A, B, C lang ba talaga to jae??! bakit wala yung mga sub-headings sa ilalim ng bawat main heading??! may mga na-edit ka! nasan yung A.1, A.2, A.3 , o kaya yung mga small letter ‘a’, small letter ‘b’, and so on…. ilabas mo din sila, wag ka matakot!! the truth shall set you free. Tamo si Jun Lozada – na set free ng truth [ayy… nasa safehouse nga pala siya ;-)]

    Tsaka ikaw,(nominally) free ka na nga rin pala. Oopps.

    May isyu lang ako: sisig on Valentine’s is soooooooo….. ordinary. Lagi yan kinakain natin kahit di Valentine’s. Anu ba naman yan.

  4. anubah. walang pakialamanan ng listahan. basta yan ang listahan na dadalhin ko kay san pedro.

    basta. analog bukas, ok? wag na maglast minute date-shopping. gayahin mo ako. simple. steady. rock. hahaha.

  5. huuuwwaatttt??! gayahin kita?! ayoko. di ko kaya taste mo, specifically B and C. harhar.😉

    heto, may nadekwat ako sa isang blogger (di ko kilala). para lang makadagdag sa rak en rol mo about love. (don’t read on if you are down and drunk…):

    9 Things Wong Kar Wai Taught Me About Love

    1. Requited love is an impossibility.

    2. “We love what we can’t have, and we can’t have what we love”

    3. Eroticizing their possessions will be the pinnacle of your sexual fulfillment.

    4. Anything that distracts you from the pain of your loss is good. Some people are more successful in this regard than others.

    5. Hook up with someone. Live with them. Sleep with them. Tag along. Don’t be fooled. You are only a transitory distraction. Ask for commitment. Declare your love. Watch the set up evaporate.

    6. The most potent way to exist is to occupy someone else’s imagination.

    7. Desire is kept eternally alive by the impossibility of contact.

    8. Modern communication enabling technologies will only heighten your sense of desolation by making you more keenly aware of the fact that no one is trying to call.

    9. You will fall in love only once. Obstacles will prevail. The rest of your life is spent recovering.//

    Medyo na-affirm ang mga kagagahan ko ng nuggets of wisdom numbers 3, 6 and 7 hahaha, lalo na sa isang papi. Feeling! yung 1 and 2, pinagmumuni-munihan ko pa. I heart Wong Kar Wai’s wisdom. At this time.

  6. here’s to sinful spicy sisig on valentine’s day.good luck sa lahat-lahat na.tama, steady lang.

  7. (take 2, hehe. next time, learn to log out the computer. para di ako nagcocomment tapos parang ikaw nagcomment)

    happy ung tao who can write so fondly and calmly about her exes. healthy ang approach nya sa buhay.🙂 naks. more energy mas happy!

    ok lang naman talaga na wala kang date sa valentines day. tama ka naman eh, why make a half hearted attempt, when ur heart is not in it and theres somewhere else u want to be?

    issue ko lang talaga, BAKIT SISIG? akala ko nagpapapayat ka.😀

  8. gus – hmmm, bawal magligwak ng ex ng may ex. basta paninindigan ko sila.🙂 pagiisipan ko muna si wong kar wai ha. offhand, madami akong numbers na di ako nag-aagree. hehehe.

    golda – haha, gusto mo ako kumain ng sinful sisig para matalo ako sa caret contest. :p

    ella – korek. dapat valentines kasama mo ang talagang gusto mong kasama.

  9. love you, jae! love this entry….i should catalogue mine too…

  10. claudette, sorry super inedit ko ung comment mo. haha,last part nalang natira. love u 2! mwah!

  11. waaaah, daya ni jae!!!

  12. i want write one too! can i? but im not completely honest to my ex-boyfriends, who happen to be my friends. indi nila lam kung ilan sila!! hehe … men cant take stuff like that. i think.

    anyway, i want to write one too. But i dont want my first love to know about those who came after him because there are still days when i think I want to be with him again. chaka noh? so yung friendster account ko forever “single.”

  13. si jonathan?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! as in, mr. the-friday-that-never-came boy? you wanna be with him again?

  14. no!!!! hindi sya counted.

    pag less than two weeks, hindi “relationship” yun. lalo na kung walang “good lovin” hahaha


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