A few nights ago, some friends asked me who my favorite ex was. I was stumped and hard-pressed to give a reply, so I said that I had no favorite, that all of them were special during the period of our relationship, but that in all cases, there were valid reasons that made the relationship untenable. Joan DV did her great EX list sometime back, and I’ve been thinking about coming up with my own list too last year but too much was going on for me at the time, relationship-wise.
But since I’m now in “I can see clearly now the rain has gone” mode, I’m thinking, why not? I don’t want to focus on the bad parts, though. That stuff is over now and whatever resentment or hurt or even guilt that I used to feel, it’s all perma-sealed in a rusty old baul, never to be reopened again.
Boyfriend A, to put it very simply, swept me off my feet. Period. I was eighteen and in College, I wore short shorts and tsinelas to school, sometimes forgot to comb my hair, and devoured one issue after another of The Economist, Time and Newsbreak in order to win debate tournaments. I had zero experience being treated like a princess. Then Boyfriend A came and he made me feel so special. Flowers and chocolates and care packages lovingly put together. But more than that, more than the material stuff, it was the love letters. He wrote the most beautiful love letters of them all, and crafted words that made me swoon. A marriage proposal soon followed – quite overwhelming for a girl of eighteen, without a college degree yet. The breakup with Boyfriend A was the most awful of all the breakups, but these are not things that should be dwelt on at this time. I will always remember the happy and heady times fondly.
Boyfriend B, I met when the environmental organization I interned for in law school sponsored an earth day concert and got him to be one of the singers for the event. We started talking. And talking and talking. And talking some more. He got my thoughts, values and ideas, put them in a Petri-dish and held them up against the light – challenging me like I’ve never been challenged before. He’s romantic too, as I suppose all artists are, but it wasn’t so much the romance as it was his ability to stimulate and provoke me. And like I always tell everyone, in large measure, he was responsible for the life-direction I have chosen.
Boyfriend C made me laugh the hardest. It was a relationship fraught with, shall we say, challenges from the get-go and there were so many reasons to walk out, but I stayed for some length of time. At the end of the day, the reason was simple: no one – absolutely no one – could cheer me up after a bad day better than he could. He was forgetful and unfocused and sometimes incoherent, but he cared for me in the best way he knew how. We laughed together, at each other, with the world, at the world. Yes, I was happy.
I’ve moved on from these relationships already, so I think it’s safe to wax nostalgic because there’s no pang of longing, no more wishing to go back and recapture whatever it was that was lost. I thank these men for making me happy and for loving me during the period that we were together. Because of these three relationships, I have a better idea of what I want. And my bottomlines are steadfastly in place. I know that “good love is on its way” and Im ready to hold out for that. There’s no rush. Steady lang.
Someone asked me out for Valentine’s Day. I’m not ashamed to say I’m not ready yet to get back on the serious dating scene (somehow, dating on Valentine’s day seems so.. serious). This will be the first time in a long time that I will be celebrating Valentine’s Day completely unattached and I am so looking forward to a long happy night with my girl friends, drinking San Miguel beer and downing plateful upon plateful of sinful spicy sisig.