Posted by: Jae | March 2, 2008

On Icky Cocktails and Birthday Wishes

I thought at first that it was a good thing. I was made to stop drinking for the time being while dealing with a (minor) health issue and I figured that it would square quite nicely with my goal of winning the great CARET challenge. I thought I’d find it difficult, what with all my beer-guzzling friends, but I’ve found that I super-duper want to get healthy and that’s more important to me than the momentary lure of alcohol. (Of course, some friends — NOT HELPFUL. My friend Barry, who once called me a girl less ordinary, loudly bemoaned the fact that I “wasn’t cool anymore”).

But now, the ante has been upped and I have to drink this detox drink that supposedly would help the medicines I’m taking. It would cut the time for taking the meds and would save me money, which is a big thing right now. Maderpakersheht. Lasang imburnal. I was never the new-agey Cory Quirino type who says things like “love and light”, so I’m not used to beetroot whey magic gunk, but really, there was nothing lovely or light-filled about that glass of virulent-looking substance spurring soylent-green recollections. However, I’m bent on getting well, whatever it takes, even if it means chugging one serving after another of this hell cocktail. Arnold was joking about celery smoothies last week; all I can say is, that stuff is nowhere close to what I have to take.

I would give a hand and a foot to get completely, totally well. Not “well”, meaning temporary reprieve from the aches and pains, but well for real. Forever. Not having to worry that your kidneys will conk out on you, not feeling your insides twitch while carrying on a conversation, not getting stressed over physical activities that will tire you sooner than it will tire people your age.

I’ve always said that it was because there was so much more that I want to do and I still am deadset at continuing my work, which is very important to me right now. This whole thing sometimes feels like a mad rush — me, huffing and puffing and sometimes losing my breath, while others can afford to meander and experiment their way through life.

Aside from that, however, buried deep down and unacknowledged, I realized just over the weekend that it would crush me deeply and profoundly if I would no longer be given the opportunity to be a mom. More than anything else in the world, I want to be a mom. There. I said it. I want the smell of a baby’s breath, puke on my shirt, dirty diapers. I want to have kids to read to, I want to sew costumes for school presentations, I want to be elected PTA president. I want slobbery noisy kisses, grumpy sleepy heads in the morning, tight hugs at night. I want it all. I want it so much it hurts just thinking about it.

This month is my birthday month. I turn twenty eight on the 17th. And that is my birthday wish. Not necessarily to have a baby right away, but to be healthy and well enough to have one in the future. Please, please, God.

Ampalaya slurpee, anyone?


  1. Funny, I read this entry, then I read about effective ways to wrestle your biological clock from the Brazen Careerist (

  2. hey jae! hope you get better soon! uy, you didn’t mention a devoted husband in your post. are you a member of the i want a kid, husband negotiable school of thought? πŸ˜‰

  3. you’d make a wonderful mom…

  4. grace-filled morning, this. πŸ™‚

    gracie – read the link you sent. thanks! funny how the first tip was “get a husband” haha. belated happy birthday nga pala!

    gracey – i’m old school that way. i want a partner and not just a sperm donor. i dont mind waiting a bit more for that. ikaw ba?

    ipe – hehe, thanks. and thanks for taking me to the promenuhd, which rhymes with gatoruhd. πŸ˜€

  5. your friend barry is wrong. you’re cool with or without alcohol. happy birthday, girl less ordinary…

  6. happy birthday this month jae.

  7. hmn…if you asked me that question 5/6 years ago, my answer would have been the same as yours. but now, well i tend to vacillate. minsan oo minsan hindi. depende kung full moon. depende kung i feel optimistic hehe πŸ˜‰

  8. ay oo nga! ibang slogan bagay sayo — triplicate your breed! πŸ™‚

  9. from a fellow sakitin, be what needs to be done.tapos bahala na si lord.

  10. My great grandmother used to tirelessly say (she had Alzheimer’s so maybe it really was tireless): “Eat green, leafy, vegetables everyday and you will live long.” She died when she was 94, with a life history spanning 2 husbands, half a dozen kids, and more than a dozen grandchildren and great grandchildren. She also wore night cream every single day of her life.

    You will live long and we’ll be comparing (or more like competing) our kids’/apos/grand apos’ achievements over malunggay shake (!) and whatnot. love ya! πŸ™‚

  11. philip and chrisgel – thanks, though two weeks pa naman. πŸ™‚ happy birthday chrisgel!

    gracey – hehe, lets hold out for good love. very ally mcbeal.

    taroogs – parang ewoks.

    golda – kinalimutan mo on purpose ang “go to the gym.” gusto mo lang matalo ako sa caret challenge, noh? hehe.

    jordan – love you too. thanks for TIRELESSLY listening to me, especially these days. πŸ™‚ mwah!

  12. Jae, BATA PA TAYO! πŸ™‚ dami pang time for icky diapers, puke on your shirt, PTA meetings and class projects (with glue gun and glitters). Kapag 35 na ko, chaka ko lang i-co-consider ang ‘optional husband’ school of thought πŸ™‚

    Always put your health first though, no matter how yucky the ampalaya slurpee tastes (kailangan ba talaga ampalaya?). Cheers to you and stay fab πŸ™‚ MWAH!!!

  13. thanks joan! mwah! im sure youd be a great mom to a superkid! or superkids. πŸ™‚

  14. happy birthday this month jaefever. i heart yu.

    may you find in 2008 a single gorgeous sexy fertile smart “ideologically correct” bad boy who loves long conversations marathon sex and who is not afraid of a long-term commitment and can match your FEVER! πŸ˜‰ and hope that he’s sooooo into women.

    maniwala ka. pikit ka. he’s there. out there. like the TRUTH. tuninuninuninuninuninuneeeee……

  15. salamat sa pagbati, gus. πŸ™‚


  17. dedma na sa marathon sex. basta good sex (which can, from time to time, alternate with mindblowing sex) with a good and SMART man na naniniwala sa social justice and who’ll be there through the bad times. ayan amended na. tinanggal ko na ung bad boy. basta dapat andyan through the bad times. πŸ™‚

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