Posted by: Jae | July 22, 2008

Suicidal Txtm8

I went home last night a bit past midnight, tired from two back-to-back meetings and an intense conversation with Banjo (on political and ideological frames, naks) at Kyusinero. After taking a quick shower and brushing my teeth, I slipped under my blanket and prepared to go to sleep. Then, my phone — which I always keep under my pillow — beeped.

I figured it would be Enteng or Banjo, asking if I had gotten home safely, so I sleepily opened my inbox to read the message.

It turns out to be an unknown number. “M so dpressd. I want 2 kill myself.”

My first instinct was to text back, “who’s this please?” but then I was scared that that person was a friend whose new number I had inadvertently failed to record. Maybe my asking who he or she was would deepen feelings of alienation (yez, kaya yan isipin ng aking sleep-fogged brain).

So my reply was: “pls don’t. watever it is u’r going thru now, it’s not worth killing urself for.”

Ang reply: “I h8 life.”

My reply: “Teka, asan ka ba?” (nasa logistics mode na ako.)


“Can u giv me just a gen idea of wat ur crisis is?”

“D ko kyang mwala sya.” (ah. breakup.)

“Yes, masakit nga yan. I had just been thru a breakup 2 wks ago. But d key is to trust in ur own resilience.”

“Di ko kya.”

“May kasama ka ba ngayon?”

“No, m all alone. Haha. All alone.”

At that point, I decided to call the number. I was already out of bed, in front of the computer, googling tips on how best to approach a suicidal person. It occured to me of course that this could be one big stupid joke. But then why risk it? If I see a stranger with flailing arms on the rails of the overpass, I probably would bodily drag him down and try to talk to him. And if it turns out it was just his sick sense of fun at work, saka nalang kami magsumbatan.

I was calling the number, ring ng ring, and then the line went dead.  Subscriber cannot be reached. I was extremely bothered, and couldn’t go back to sleep right away. All sorts of scenarios were playing in my mind.

This morning, when I woke up, I texted the number again.

“Good morning! Hope u have a great day ahead. Kaya mo yan. Txt ka lang sa akin pag nalulungkot ka.”

No reply.

I tried calling. Instead of the standard ringing tone which I got last night, I found myself listening to a ringback tune. “Bluer than blue, sadder than saaaaad, you’re the only light this empty room has ever haaaaaaad.” I heaved a sigh of relief. That ought to mean he or she hasn’t ended his life.

And I can go on with mine. 🙂



  1. Suwerte nya, ikaw yung naka- text nya. Kung ako yan, di ko siguro pinansin. 😛

  2. hehehe. ewan ko nga ba, pero nangangati talaga ako pag di nakakareply sa text. and secondly, parang mas masestress ako paginignore ko at di ako nagreach-out.

  3. while i was consulting to achieve the gossip girl look, u were googling to save a life.semi-geek girl proud of u.heheh.pero pareho kami ni gracie, malamang kng ako un, matutulog ako ulit.

  4. feeling ko di ko keri ang gossip girl look. i wont be able to pull it off. 🙂

  5. bait talaga yan si jae….kung ako yan, gagatungan ko pa para magpakamatay na nga siya….losers talaga yang mga magpapakamatay na nga, mamamaalam pa….

  6. paano kung ang nagpapakamatay ay manggagawang biktima ng illegal dismissal, ha levy??? hehehe

  7. nakakatawa ka rosey. talagang kinausap mo pa yung stranger. hahahah.

  8. oo, haha. pero in general, nangangausap ako ng stranger. kahit sa bus, ganun.

  9. talaga nangangausap ka ng stranger sa bus?? wala ako ng skill na yan, i would run out of things to say after the initial “ang init ngayon no?” or “mahal na pamasahe ngayon”.

  10. parang hindi ugaling pinoy ang makipag-usap sa estranghero… wala lang.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: